Category Archives: Technology

Things I’m Loving Lately (Brought to You By The Letter “F”)

I was sitting here this morning, wracking my brain for a blog topic. And then it hit me.

When in doubt, write a list blog.

So, friends, I’m sharing with you a list of things that are making my life a little more exciting lately. And lo and behold, in a totally accidental way, every single thing on my list starts with the letter F. That doesn’t quite equal alliteration, but it’s really dang close. (High five, high school English teacher.) And so, without further ado…

Fthings I’m Floving Flately


The hubs and I are really into this whole “binge-watching” television on Netflix. I mean, we were always sorta binge watchers, anyway, just not in an “All Day Sunday In Our Cookie Pants Fourteen Episodes” kind of way. Thank you, Netflix, for profoundly changing our weekends.

We’ve devoured tasty gems like “Breaking Bad,” “Chuck,” and “Sherlock,” all thanks to the wonders of steaming. And now, we’ve delved back into one of our favorites–the all-too-delightful Sci-Fi series, “Farscape.” It was one of those shows we bonded over back when binge watching meant having to rewind VHS tapes. Oh, those were the days. (PS: John Crichton, I still adore you.)


I got a FitBit for Brian’s birthday. (Technically, I think it was supposed to be my Valentine’s Day gift, but I bought it for myself back in January. I’m an overachiever like that.) It’s the Charge HR, and I’ve gotta tell ya, readers, I adore this little bit of technology. I’m not one of those folks that wears it all day, every day, and I certainly don’t sleep in it (although it can track your sleep and let you know how often you’re waking up.) But I DO wear it when I work out. It keeps track of my heart rate, tells me how many calories I’ve burned, and monitors how many steps I take. And when it spits out data like this:


…it not only makes me squeal with delight over the “WERQ” I put in (see what I did there?) but it also makes me want to keep wearing it. Nothing says success like dancing off almost 600 calories in an hour.


Are you guys getting sick of hearing about our kitten yet? No? Well that’s good. Because he’s a little fuzzball of energy and adorableness, and he puts a smile on my face every single day. He likes to take frequent breaks during meals to hop on your lap for a ‘thank you’ scratch, he enjoys playing with rolled up receipts more than anything else on the planet, he sleeps under the covers so he can keep an eye on the “blanket monster,” and he plays fetch.

Oh, and guys? He still “meeps.”



K stupid

I’ve been collecting stuff for awhile (mostly Doctor Who goodies) but this recent release from Funko made me go all squishy inside. (I also have some of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Funkos, but not the full set yet.)

Allow me to point out that Wash is holding—-*sob*—a tiny toy dinosaur. So. Much. Love.

(Also, bonus points for the flowers in the background–those were a Valentine’s Day gift from my Fabulous hubby. Cue chorus of “awwww” now.)

And finally….

To Protect And Serve

Ok, so this one is a bit of a stretch, because the only thing I watch on television on Friday nights is Blue Bloods. And Blue Bloods starts with a B not an F. But it’s my blog, so I can cheat if I want to. And I had to include it in this list for one reason and one reason only.

And no, it’s not (just) Donnie Wahlberg.

It’s because of Jamie Reagan and Edit (pronounced Eddie) Jenko.

Guys, I ship them so hard, I might as well be Fed Ex. It’s TOTES OBVI that they’re madly in love with each other. But here’s the thing–they’re partners, so they can’t express their feelings  because then they won’t be able to work together any more. Oh, the feels!

I’m tempted to start a letter-writing campaign to CBS titled “Why Jamie and Edit need to get together and start making little Reagan babies.” Wanna join me?

So that’s it, gang. Just a few little things that are keeping this gal happy right now. Is there an item in your life right now that’s making you grin from ear to ear? (Extra points if it starts with the letter “f.”)

It’s Not My Fault…

…that I haven’t written a blog since the uber-depressing one that I wrote a few days ago from the corner of Despair Drive and Sad Face Alley. (You think that’d be a perfect intersection for a cupcake shop, but I couldn’t find one.)

Seriously. You can’t be mad at me. Here are three legitimate reasons why blogging simply cannot be accomplished today.



If you can’t see the video, copy and paste the following URL into your browser:

My Alarm Clock Is On The Fritz

I have one of those radio alarm clocks. And although I never have it set to radio, sometimes the static from the stations still comes through. It’s always done that, since the very first day that I took it out of its happy little box and placed it beside my bed.

Normally, if I give it a good whack, the static will stop for a few days, and my alarm clock and I continue on the path of strained but symbiotic friendship.

But in the last few days, the static doesn’t retreat when I beat on the clock. In fact, it has grown louder and more insistent than ever.

When I pointed it out to my husband the other night, he fiddled with it long enough to declare it was a “lost cause,” and as he turned over to set his own very quiet alarm clock, promised he’d buy me a new one in a few days.

So I pushed the clock as far away from me as I could, turned out my light, and attempted to sleep.

Even over the constant white noise of the fan in the corner, I could still hear the incessant buzzing of my alarm clock.


It’s safe to say that I didn’t get much sleep.

By the time Brian got up and left the house for work the next morning, I’d finally managed to find the perfect noise-deafening location on the bed, which only worked if I was laying sort of diagonally across the mattress with my head farther away from the clock and my feet dangling over the edge.

It wasn’t necessarily the most comfortable position, but it allowed me to fall asleep.


I was just beginning a dream involving Nathan Fillion bringing me a hot cup of coffee when my entire world exploded into a cacophony of noise. Apparently, in his attempt to fix my alarm clock the night before, Brian had inadvertently switched my preferred alarm clock beep to the radio.

And I was awoken by SmashMouth singing at the top of their voices.


Half-asleep, I tried to escape the inexplicable danger the only way I knew how—by attempting to put my feet on the floor and get the hell out of dodge. In a tangle of sheets and comforter, I wound up falling flat on my face by the bed instead, whacking my head on the baseboard in the process. That was enough to wake me up to the point that I realized I wasn’t being attacked by a gravelly-voiced band of zombies, but instead had been jarred awake by the static-y 90s station.

I’ve always said that mornings that start with a little music always lead to a good mood all day. I think I can now argue the opposite.

Three Movie References, An Old School TV Reference, and a Potential Million-Dollar Invention

I have been a proud iPhone 5 user for about two weeks now. And it is everything I’d hoped for and more. I feel like Oprah with my ever-growing list of favorite things. 

1) The organizational capabilities on this phone make my little OCD heart sing. Folders on the desktop?? Are you KIDDING ME? It’s almost as good as color coded tabbies!

2) Music. Music music music. Not only does my awesome phone have enough space to hold my ENTIRE (and HUGE) iTunes collection, but I also have Spotify AND Pandora for those days when I want to rock out to some 80s tunes that Brian refuses to let me buy. (He has a thing against Paula Abdul and Martika. Not sure why. Something about how their voices feel like a cheese grater on his face. More on that another time.) 

3) Holy Apps Batman. I never had so many apps on any of my previous phones. I only downloaded the necessities. I never DREAMED I could have 2 music apps, 4 news apps, 3 weather apps, eleven photo-manipulating apps, and 4 games, all on the same device. When I turn my iPhone on every morning, I’m surprised my head doesn’t explode from all the apps. What do I do first?!?!?!? Find out my new word of the day, play Trace, or read the NPR headlines?!?

4) Siri and I are BFFs. No, really. You may think that Siri is your BFF, but she’s just frontin’, cuz she loves me more. We’ve already collaborated on dinner dates, new book ideas, meal plans and driving directions. She gets me. She really gets me.

5) It’s fast, I get terrific reception everywhere, I’ve never dropped a call, and it’s fast. Did I mention it’s fast. It’s lickety-split, super-dooper, Speedy-Gonzales fast.

And where there are 5 reasons for the love affair I’m currently having with my iPhone, there are about a million more. I kinda feel a little like Maria Von Trapp…

In truth, there’s only been one thing about my phone that it less-than-amazeballs. And it has nothing to do with the phone. 

I have developed this strange tick, if you will…an overwhelming emotion of over-protectiveness when it comes to my beloved iPhone. I’ve never been that way before, with any technological goody. Want to play with my $600 Canon? Sure, have at it. Think you might like to toodle with my crazy-expensive Alienware desktop computer? Download whatever you want. It’s cool. Oh, did you drop my Droid on the concrete there? No biggie. Rub some dirt in it, it’ll be fine.

But when it comes to the safety of my iPhone, I morph from “Abby of Sweetness and Light” to “Abby, Gollum’s Twin Sister.”

It started the day after I got my phone. I had it plugged in safely by the couch, in the same place I’ve been charging phones now for about 8 years. Everything was fine and dandy, until I noticed that my phone was in perilous danger.

Is that an obscure “Lost in Space” reference? Why, yes. Yes it is.

I immediately moved my water glass, shooed the cat away, and moved my phone into the safety of my own pocket. Whew. Crises averted.

A little while later, phone still secure in my pocket, I headed outside to check the mail box. I stuck my hand into my pocket to check on My Precious, and that’s when I had another epiphany…what if my phone fell OUT of my pocket, unawares, and smashed down onto the asphalt? The Horror!! So I took it out of my pocket, and clutched it between my breasts like it was a life preserver, and I was one of the last passengers to escape the Titanic.

I was appalled at myself. Surprised at my reactions. I chastised myself and swore I wouldn’t let it happen again.

But it did. About eleventy-hundred more times over the last 12 days: When handing it to a friend to inspect (they might drop it), when shooting video at the fair (someone might steal it), when finally moving it to charge in the bedroom–which offered all new hazards to my phone’s health–and even when using it as a make-shift cook book in the kitchen.

Oy vey. Just thinking about how many times I could have dropped it in the sink while listening to Taylor Swift while brushing my teeth makes my heart flip over in my chest.

My goal in life now is to learn how to treat it like a phone instead of the Holy Grail. But I’m struggling with it, ya’ll. I’m THISCLOSE to searching the internet for a Baby Bjorn-like device so I can keep my phone safe all day long.

Hey. That might work.

It’s The Happiest Tuesday of All the Tuesdays

Up until yesterday at approximately 4 p.m., I was feeling pretty great about life. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and my life was, all in all, pretty great. In fact, if you’d taken a picture of me, it might have looked a little like this:

Yes, that was me, without a care in the world.

And then my husband came home and informed me that my life was about to change forever. Only in the best, most wonderful, most geeky way possible. 

Because after months of waiting, of grieving the loss of my Droid 2 Global, and living with the dying pixels on the screen of my recycled replacement phone, of dreaming and wishing for a brand new iPhone of my very own…my husband told me he’d managed to find me one. Not just any iPhone, but the brand new iPhone 5. And people—it was the LAST ONE in Charleston, South Carolina. Seriously. Every single store–including the Apple Store–was completely sold out of iPhones, except for one. On the OTHER side of town. And they had ONE PHONE left. 

Brian, being the dutiful, awesome husband that he is, immediately hopped in the car, drove almost 30 minutes to the store on the other side of town, and purchased it.

Therefore, today, if you were to take a picture of me, it would look more like this:

In case you weren’t paying attention, or you didn’t read the above paragraph, please let me reiterate using the following close-up.

That’s a brand new shiny iPhone 5 in my grubby little hands, people. 

And so, I’ll be spending the next several days snuggled up with my brand new piece of awesome technology, learning the ins-and-outs of being an Apple user, and setting up my phone so it’s Perfectly Abby-Tastic.

Also, you should now understand why Brian gets this:

Now…who wants to join me in a rousing rendition of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow?” Seriously—record yourself singing it, email me the video, and I’ll totally compile them all into one video. Cuz that would be awesome.

I’m off to figure out Face Time. Who wants to chat?

How I’m Feeling About Facebook Lately

The internet has been a hazardous place as of late. Especially on Facebook. With the looming election, paired with recent world events and football season, Facebook has gone from this:

To this:

I always wonder what I’ll stumble across each morning when I open my internet browser. Will I be smacked in the face with some crazy right-wing conspiracy theory, complete with hate speech and illustrations? Or will I (finally) be greeted with the things I WANT to know about…i.e. who’s at the grocery store/which friend’s kid won their soccer game/who found a Doctor Who collectible on eBay.

In years past, when the internet turns hostile, Brian and I have been known to “take a Facebook break.” We disable or delete our accounts, living a blissful, quiet life, free from armchair politics and the web-wide Whiny Wanda. (Because everybody has a friend like that, am I right?)

Believe me when I say my finger has hovered over the “Obliterate Your Facebook Account Here” button several times over the last few weeks.

But I can’t seem to make myself pull the trigger this time. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to go to the trouble of recreating my account in a month when I start going through withdrawals. Maybe it’s because Brian is gone a lot, and Facebook is my tangible connection to the outside world. Maybe it’s because I would miss seeing the daily posts from Jenna about my godkids

However, if I’m honest with you about why I haven’t just quit Facebook this time, it comes down to a simple answer.

It’s because Facebook created the ultimate answer when they came up with the “Show in News Feed” feature. I can be friends with you on Facebook all day long, but if I don’t want to read all of your rants, I can simply choose to take you out of my personal timeline. You’re nary the wiser, and my page is filled with the updates I’m most interested in. 

FINALLY! I can create a timeline that will greet me with unicorns and rainbows instead of gremlins and thunderheads!! I get plenty of pleasure out of making use of that little feature.

You posted something extremely offensive? HIDE FROM TIMELINE!

You continually post political statements that border on hate speech? HIDE FROM TIMELINE!

You complain about everything in your life to the point of exhaustion? HIDE FROM TIMELINE!

I feel like Shera with He-man’s catch phrase.

I’m sure at some point I’ll revisit those I’ve hidden and consider allowing them back into the lovely meadow of wildflowers that is my Facebook timeline. (Perhaps after the election is over?) But for now, I’m employing my own brand of The Timeline Police. And it’s working!

Of course, I could always just use my husband’s answer for Facebook nonsense and post this whenever someone annoys me (Warning: Foul Language Ahead:)


Funny, colorful, and right to the point. But, I think I’m going to stick to my game plan. It’s reversible, it’s comfortable, and it’s keeping Facebook much more warm and fuzzy. HEY! It’s Facebook’s version of the Snuggie! And who knows, maybe one day, the internet will return to being a (mostly) kind place to visit. But for now, I’m gonna stick to my guns and wrap my little piece of the internet in the warm flannel of choice. Thank you, Facebook, for giving me the option to be the passive-aggressive peace keeper of my own page.

The Tortoise and The Hare (And the Smart Phone)

It wasn’t that long ago that I was writing love letters to Verizon and my shiny new Droid 2 Global. In fact, if you could have painted a portrait with me and my Droid, holding hands and walking into the sunset together, it would have been an apt and 100% accurate portrayal of how I felt about my phone. I was in love.

But, as things sometimes go, my relationship with my Droid has fallen on difficult times. Yes, I still love its sleek design. Yes, I adore its ability to keep me linked up to the world when I’m AFK. And yes, I long to touch its keyboard with unbridled passion. 

Ok, I’m starting to freak myself out. Time to switch metaphors.

You see, it comes down to this: My Beautiful, Capable, Super-Fast, Super-Elite Droid has, in a matter of 17 months, become Old, Slow, and Obsolete. I’m a 4G girl living in a 3G world. And this saddens me deeply.

I need my social media apps on my phone to work. And for the past 2 months or so, any time I try to open one, I get this:

Ten minutes, twelve curse words, and one frustrated blogger later, and guess what….all I can see, STILL, is this:

To say it’s infuriating is only a slight understatement. I’ve tried everything I can think of to lessen the load on my Droid—deleted apps I don’t use, removed photos of stuff I don’t need, bribed it with shiny things and money—and still, my phone is slower than Methuselah. 

Things That Are Faster Than My Droid:
Truly, if being slow was the only problem I had with my Droid, I might try to make peace and move on. But it freezes on a regular basis–to the point where I’m now removing the battery at least twice a day to reset it. Due to its regular removal in order to reset the phone, the back panel that keeps the battery inside won’t stay closed. And do we even want to talk about the battery life?? I have to charge my phone THREE TIMES A DAY. Yes, I use it a lot. But that’s just ri-donk-u-luss.
And so, even though it’s been an epic one, my romance with Droid is surely coming to an end…
In October. When my contract is up.

Summertime Fun: An Abby Gabs List Blog

It’s summertime. Isn’t summertime great? Forget about the 100+ degree heat, the monstrous thunderstorms that leave us without power for hours, and the crazy tourist-caused traffic. With summer comes awesome farm fresh produce, glorious beach days, and lots of frosty alcoholic beverages.

Ice cold beer, anyone?

But as wonderful as all those things are, the best thing about THIS summer is the fact that I have Brian home from school. That means plenty of free time to do the things we’ve been meaning to do since, oh, let’s say January of 2011. (Like purchasing an universal remote, going on vacation, and spending time with friends.) And when Brian packs up and heads off to work on weekends, I have plenty of time to obsess over a few little things of my own. Here’s my list of 

Things We Do When We Have 
Lots of Free Time (Especially 
When It’s Hot Outside.)

#1: Watch Doctor Who.
After plenty of prodding from fellow Geek Chic friends like Jenna and Tina, we finally broke down and started watching Doctor Who. (Thanks Netflix!) It took us about a month to watch all 6 seasons, and I can officially say we have earned our nerd cards. I can’t tell you much about the series, (because, you know, SPOILERS…) but let me just say this. WE LOVED IT. The cheese factor, combined with compelling story lines, terrific one-liners, and the ultimate nerdgasm that is time travel—well, it’s just the perfect show.
Those of you who are wise beyond your years and were already Doctor Who fans will probably want to know the answer to one burning question—who’s our favorite Doctor? Well, I just can’t choose. It’s a toss up.
How can one choose between David Tennant and Matt Smith??? (Source)

We shout “alons y” in our house as often as we randomly say “Bowties are cool.” But I’m really close to sporting a bowtie. And maybe even a fez.
Fezzes are cool, too.

#2: Play Plants Vs. Zombies.
Brian got me a Kindle Fire for my birthday.

I could write an entire blog dedicated solely to my Kindle Fire, because it is, without a doubt, the coolest thing ever. However, there’s one app in particular that is currently holding me spellbound. And that app is Plants vs. Zombies.
It’s an OCD dream, this game. Planting pretty rows of plants to defend your home from zombies, mowing them down one by one…like I said…it’s video game heaven. The part of my brain that drives my OCD is always happy and well-rested after a rousing round of virtual zombie-maiming gardening.

And as if that’s not enough to make a game great, then please let me introduce you to the in-house comedian of Plants vs. Zombies. It’s your crazy neighbor, Crazy Dave. And each time he makes an appearance to share his zombie-slaying tips, he makes me laugh out loud. While searching for a video so you could hear him talk, I came across this little gem. Enjoy.

#3: Obsess Over Potential Hairstyles.

Ok, so this is something I do without Brian. Not that he isn’t interested, he’s just…not interested.

So, let this serve as a warning to all my friends and family. I’ve decided to grow my hair out. Which means, for the next 3 to 5 months, you can expect me to look something like this:
Is that a goomba on your head, or are you just growing your hair out?

Thankfully, I have an awesome hairstylist (Hi Leeann!) who will laugh at my Super Mario Brothers’ jokes as much as she will help me grow out my locks without adopting the Billy Ray Cyrus ‘do. With this decision has come hours and hours of trolling the internet, looking for photos of what I might want my hair to look like next. (The giant walking mushroom with scraggly eyebrows look isn’t exactly on my list.)
I’d like to personally thank whoever invented Pinterest, because with it I’ve found my “how it will look when it starts to get some length back” hairdo:

…and my “cutey cute cute finished product hairdo:”

Note to readers: No, I’m not going blonde. It’s totally a coincidence that both hairstyles are sported by blondies. I’ll be sticking with my natural dark brown color, which I love. Sorry to those who hoped I’d go pink.

#4: Play Mexican Train Dominoes.

Don’t believe what you hear. Dominoes are so much cooler than you might believe. The game that changed my mind? Mexican Train Dominoes.

It may look simple. But when we play, it’s cutthroat.

This game turns my normally kindhearted family into vicious, smack-talking competitors. And it all stems from the frustration of Brian’s complete mastery of the game. 
You see, he always wins. Always. And this makes my brother, my Dad and I very, very, very angry. And then, when he walks away with another victory, he doesn’t something smarmy.
Like posting the score sheets on my parents’ fridge, taking a photo, posting it
to Facebook, and tagging the losers.
Even though I always lose, this game is a must-have for dinner parties, lazy Sundays, and most any other occasion. However, I suggest you put your game face on. We don’t mess around when it comes to dominoes. (Or Spitty-Outty-Sucky-Uppy Uno, for that matter.)
#5: Drink Margaritas.
Because tequila is a girl’s best friend.
 Thus comes the end of my list. And so, inquiring minds want to know. What’s going on at your house this summer? (If there’s tequila involved, can I come?)

How An Electronic Device Has Made My Life Exponentially Better (IE: I Might Write Sonnets & Song Lyrics In Its Honor)

Up until a few days ago, any time I wanted to watch TV, I first had to round up a gaggle of remotes. (I’m not sure just how many remotes constitutes a gaggle, but suffice it to say, it’s more than two but less than 10.)

There was a remote for the cable box. Another for the PS3 (which we use as a DVD player as well as a game console.) A third remote was used solely for the purpose of changing between HDMI and AV (I have no idea what that means, only that HDMI2 means I can watch Buffy on DVD and AV2 means I can play Just Dance 2 on the Wii.) And then, there was the teeny, tiny, easy-to-lose sound remote. It’s only job was to turn on the sound. I could have all 3 big remotes but without that little jerk, watching TV turned into a digital game of charades. 


Please let me reiterate my disdain for the teeny tiny surround sound remote. I hated it from Day One, which was approximately 2 years ago (read: around the same time that Brian started nursing school.) My begging started during that same time frame.

Abby: Honey, can’t we please just buy a universal remote?
Brian: I mean, I guess…what’s wrong with 4 remotes?

Abby: Seriously?
Brian: We just need to find somewhere to put them, so they’re always there when we need them.
Abby: *crickets chirping*
Brian: You know, like a basket, or a remote caddy, or a special drawer.
Abby: *crickets still chirping*
Brian: Hey, what about that basket your Mom gave you for office stuff? That would be perfect! We’ll put it right in front of the TV so we won’t forget.
Abby: *you guessed it. More crickets.*
Brian: It’ll be GREAT!

Needless to say, Brian’s ingenious idea only worked about .64% of the time…which is to say that the only time all 4 remotes found their home in their comfy new basket was when I was cleaning up the living room for company, and they all got put there at the very. same. time. Inevitably, the cable remote stayed nearest to my coffee mug. The PS3 remote would wind up in a drawer on the other side of the room. The TV remote was most often found under the entertainment center.

And the teeny tiny sound remote? Who knows. It’s been lost no less than eleventy-billion times.

After two years of begging, and pleading, and cursing the teeny tiny sound remote, my dreams finally came true. Brian drove to Best Buy, acquired a new universal remote, and programmed that bad boy to perfection. And guess what—-it does ALL THE STUFF!!


I’ve never been so in love with a device that runs on batteries IN MY LIFE. (Except for my cell phone. Although, we’ve been on the outs for a while now. But it’s still a love/hate relationship.) One little green button is devoted to turning on the TV. The other little green button turns on the cable box. The handy-dandy INPUT button switches between HDMI and AV. 

And my favorite new button on my favorite new remote??? The AMP button. Why? 

If I haven’t adequately put into words how I feel about this universal remote, let’s try an Abby Gabs illustration instead:
*Artist’s note: I may or may not say that quote every single time I pick up the remote, in a deep falsetto. And I may or may not swoosh the remote through the air like it’s flying, singing the Superman theme song all the live long day. Maybe. It hasn’t been recorded for posterity, so you can only take my word for it at this point.*
I would take a second to be slightly embarrassed about my obvious infatuation with a piece of plastic. But I’m too busy hugging it and kissing it and calling it George.

Confusion: A Lack of Clearness Or Distinctness

There are a lot of things about life that don’t make much sense to me. I could list hundreds of them.

For example, I don’t understand the importance of learning calculus. In the grand scheme of things, only about 1.7 percent of us will ever apply calculus in the real world. (I made up that stat. Not because I’m too lazy to research it, but because math makes my face hurt, so I just make up numbers willy-nilly. I choose to believe it’s use of my writer’s licence.)

I also don’t understand why coffee from a Keurig tastes so much better than coffee from a regular coffee maker. (I don’t have to understand it. I just have to enjoy it.)

You can just color me confused when it comes to the following things:  the media, how they get the little marble in the spray paint can, the process of bread-making, most conservative politicians, and the purpose of the M+/M- key on a calculator. Oh, and can someone please tell me who first looked at this weird fruit and decided it was probably edible?

I look at it and think, “ALIEN!!!”  (source)

(That’s a Rambutan, apparently. Grown predominately in Malaysia. It’s name literally means “hairy.” Ew.)

Anyway, I spend a lot of my time scratching my head, pondering the universe, how it works, and why people do and say the things they do and say. Usually, I can come up with a plausible reason for something. Occasionally, I have to throw in the towel and just “agree to disagree.”

But sometimes, something is so mind-bogglingly confusing that I just can’t stop obsessing about the reason for its existence.

Case in point: the poke app on Facebook.

Hi. I’m your friend. And I’m going
to virtually poke you in the eye now.  (Source)

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this social media megalord feels the need to revert us all back to kindergarten–the only time in our lives when “poking” is socially acceptable behavior. Once upon a time, while wandering back to your classroom after lunch, a poke was like a hello, how are ya, how’s your family.  As adults? It’s likely to start a fight.

Seriously. Think about it. When was the last time somebody poked you (since you turned 6) that wasn’t the beginning of a fight?

(Yes, tickle fights count.)

Let me just put it this way. Poke fights landed my brother and I in big trouble when we were kids. And my mom didn’t mess around. We didn’t get sent to our rooms or grounded or beat with a broom. When Adam and I were fighting with each other, we were forced to sit on the couch, side-by-side, holding hands.

Which is why I only ever poke him on Facebook now.

It’s like long-distance sibling rivalry.

Oh, wow. I totally just figured out the purpose of the Facebook poke app. Gee, blogging is so enlightening, isn’t it?