Category Archives: Man War

Antarctica? Really??

Now that I’ve fully admitted to my shiny new love affair with Zachary Levi, I feel comfortable enough to tell you about my social media interactions with him. A few days ago, I checked my Twitter feed and found this:

Capture

Shekinah is his sister. NOT his girlfriend. I googled it.

OK, I realize that he just finished up a Broadway show and that he’s currently between gigs right now, so a vacation with friends and family to somewhere remote and quiet is probably just the time off he needs.

But ANTARCTICA, Zachypoo? Really???

Since the post, I’ve been having all sorts of nightmares that jolt me awake at night shivering from the imagined cold and ice and wind and snow. They often involve my love fighting off/being eaten/running away from one of the many forms of wildlife that roam the frozen tundra of the Arctic.

Blog 1

It terrifies me down to my very toes. Couldn’t he have chosen a warmer locale? A place where the only “death” he would have to worry about is Tiki Death Punch? Wouldn’t it be so much more relaxing to have your toes in the sand rather than in danger of frostbite? Am I the only one who doesn’t understand this vacation spot choice??

I mean, I’m sure the Antarcticans are thrilled to have him. Who wouldn’t be? He was a sexy-nerd-turned-international-super-spy on TV’s CHUCK for 5 years. I’m sure they’ve rolled out the red carpet for Zac and his friends.

Blog 2

Were I a penguin, I’d be standing there in all my fuzzy glory wearing my Nerd Herd t-shirt and waving around a “KISS ME ZAC” sign with the rest of them. But alas, I am a southern girl, and cold to me means 40 degrees with relative humidity. Forty below? Sorry, Zac. I’m out.

Perhaps I should launch a Twitter campaign to convince him to come back home. I’d be glad to meet him in Southern California, and I’m pretty sure I could make his Antarctica dreams come true. We could just go into his apartment/house/condo/mansion, close the blinds, turn the AC down as low as it could go, and share a pot of homemade hot chocolate in our very special mugs.

Blog 3

And if he was still bored and wanted something more exhilarating to connect him to Mother Nature, I’d just pop “Free Willy” or “Sharknado” into the DVD player and we’d be all set. Sounds like the PERFECT week off to me.

He probably wouldn’t go for it. But I still think it’s important to warn Zac, his posse, and the Antarctic officials that it’s imperative that they don’t let Zachary Levi walk around smiling the whole time he’s in Antarctica. With that 1000-watt smile? It would finish off the already-melting ice caps, and we’d all be in some serious danger.

To match feature CLIMATE/ANTARCTICA

So, a note to recap…

Dear Zac,
If you see a polar bear, please stay far enough away from it that it doesn’t sniff you out and try to chase you down. I’m not the only one who thinks you’re a tasty morsel. Secondly, the penguins may be your biggest fans, but they smell bad and will just run away if you try to hug them. I, however, do NOT smell and will NOT run away from a hug. Also, my offer still stands. I’ve gotten my AC down to at least 60 before–and I make a mean pot of hot chocolate. I can also spray you in the face with ice water, if you’re going for realism. And finally—watch that smile, pal. Global warming is a real thing–be kind to the environment and keep those pearly whites under lock and key.
Love,
Your Shiny New Pretend Stalker Girlfriend

I Know, I Know. I’ve Been Gone For Two Whole Weeks…

…And I know your minds are all in a whirlwind trying to figure out where in the world I’ve been. So I’m here to dispel any rumors that have started on the internets regarding my whereabouts.

I did not, in fact, pack up my bags and my husband and take a whirlwind tour of New York’s version of ComicCon.

I did not go to space camp, or take a month-long sabbatical to Italy to learn how to make the perfect bolognese sauce, or visit the Doctor Who museum in Cardiff.

Nay. For the past two weeks, I spent my time with my toes in the sand of a very private, very beautiful island with my new pretend celebrity boyfriend, Nathan Fillion.

Nathan 1

That would be a great excuse to explain my fourteen-day absence, right??

No?

Ok, fine. I did NOT spend the last fortnight letting Captain Mal rub sunscreen on my knees. I did, however, spend it redecorating my house.

1

Not nearly as stimulating as a moonlit stroll on the beach with Captain Hammer, but I still rather enjoyed the process. (At least the part that didn’t involve me driving around the greater Charleston area looking for the perfect rug for the space…which wound up being the very first one I saw at Target.)

We also converted our craft/catchall/home gym room into a guest room…which started with a 2-day process of refinishing a thrift store headboard…

5

…and ended with a sunshine-yellow comforter…

3

…and the perfect accessories…

2

Making the decision to redecorate was an easy one–particularly when the last remaining furniture any guest could sleep on finally fell apart. We love entertaining, and we love having visitors, but people are less likely to stay the night if they have to sleep in the bathtub. So…we put our heads together and came up with a layout that we love, that is functional, but that is also beautiful. And I’m a happy…if tired…girl.

We celebrated by inviting some of our favorite people to spend the night…

8

…and while Tina and Charlene both approve of the improvements, there’s really only one opinion that matters most. That of our resident felines.

9

16

I think we did ok.

The True Definition of Awesome

awe-some  [awsuh m]
adjective
1.inspiring an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, causing or inducing awe: an awesome sight. That man is seriously awesome.

Blogging hasn’t really been on my radar too much this week. In truth, I’ve been spending most of my free time editing my novel (last draft, I swear), or hanging out with Brian. It’s not that I don’t want to blog–I have tons of ideas floating around in my brain. It’s just that when I sit down at the computer lately my creative tendencies lead me to open up that gigantic word document and delve back into getting my book ready for possible publication.

(I really am gonna try, ya’ll.)

The blog does come up in conversation around the house, though. Brian will ask me when I’m planning to post again, or if I’m suffering from writer’s block.

“What are you going to blog about tomorrow?” he’ll ask.

“I don’t know,” I’ll reply.

“Can I make a suggestion?” he’ll say, eyebrows waggling in suggestion.

And I always know what’s coming next. Without hesitation, he puffs out his chest, lowers his voice an octave, and says, “You should blog about how AWESOME I am.”

Depending on my mood (and hormone levels) I’ll either giggle, roll my eyes, or kick him in the shins.

(Not really. I’m not that violent.)

(Usually.)

I don’t think anyone who has ever read this blog would deny the fact that I think Brian is awesome. I mean, he has his own scoreboard, for Pete’s sake. I’ve Photoshopped him as Superman, drawn him as Superman, and even created his very own superhero persona. I’ve given you a comprehensive list of things I adore about him. I gushed all about how sweet he is, how he proposed, and even how he makes me feel beautiful on my ugliest days.

And still, every couple of days, he makes this same request. In an attempt to give the man what he wants (and deserves), here are a series of memes I created just for Brian, in the name of awesomeness.

B awesome 1 B awesome 2 copy B awesome 3

It’s funny because it’s true.

This post wasn’t just inspired by Brian’s obvious desire to be touted on the internet as The Most Awesome Husband That Has Lived Or Will Ever Live Again. In fact, I’d planned this post since learning that this is National Nurse’s Week. And because my husband spends his life saving lives, I think it’s only fair that he gets a day where we celebrate his awesomeness. So if you know a nurse, come in contact with a nurse, or just want to be nice to nurses in general, help us celebrate their sacrifices by saying a simple thank you. I love you, Nurse Brian! All jokes aside, you are truly AWESOME.

NNW

A Day of Stat-Keeping At Abby Gabs: The Man War Edition

My husband has always been my #1 Biggest Fan when it comes to my blog. In fact, just the other evening, he sat next to me on the couch, computer in his lap, and spent the better part of an hour sharing archived Abby Gabs with his friends on Facebook.

After sharing the links to some of his favorite “Brian” blogs, he abruptly closeed his laptop, cleared his throat, and turned to look at me. “Abby,” he said, “I’m a little worried that the Donnie Wahlberg blogs are beginning to overshadow the Awesome Husband blogs.”

 
Well, well.
 
“I think you need to institute some sort of scoreboard on your blog, to clearly depict how many blogs have been written about each of us. That’ll keep you honest.” Satisfied that he’d made his point, he turned back to watching the Olympics.
 
His little Man War diatribe got me thinking….maybe he’s right. So I did what any dutiful wife/blogger would do. I pulled up my blog and went through EVERY SINGLE POST, tallying the number of blogs written about Brian, those written about Donnie, and those in which both are mentioned.
 
I have to admit. There are a lot of DW mentions.
 
So I decided to follow Brian’s advice. But, before there could be a scoreboard, there had to be parameters for me to follow. Hence the following brief, but informative, interview:
 

With those rules in mind, I headed to the internet, certain that somewhere in the wide world of web, there would be SOMEONE who had created a completely customizable scoreboard widget. And that it would take me 10 minutes to whip one up and add it to the blog.

In fact, there is not. Or if there is, I couldn’t find it. And believe me when I say I looked. Hard. For about 5 hours.


So I decided to use my Photoshop skills to create a meme instead, which you will now see at the top right of the blog, until the end of time. I will do my BEST to update it as frequently as possible, so that Brian’s insecurities will be regularly tamed. 


Without further ado, here are the current standings on Abby Gabs. Out of 318 posts, Brian has been mentioned (gushed about, turned into a super hero, generally canonized) 104 times. Donnie Wahlberg has been mentioned (and occasionally worshiped) 31 times. And they have both been mentioned in the SAME blog (without incident) 21 times.

 

There honey. See? I do love you best.

Twitter Milestones

Meet Kristin.

And her 2 girls, Allison and Emily.

Kristin is my bestest friend from Blogland. We have never actually met in person, or even spoken on the phone, but when I first found myself on Kristin’s blog, “My Art and the Mom in Me,” I knew I’d found a kindred spirit. She’s a crafter, a fellow Etsian (her shop, ArtByKristin, is a must see), and she laughs at my jokes (a requirement of all my friends).

Our friendship bloomed through comments, then emails, then Facebook and Twitter.  We support each other’s Etsy shops (Kristin owns a pair of Simply Charming earrings, and I own a beautiful glass collage she made just for me). Rarely do I post a blog that Kristin doesn’t comment on, and the same goes for me.
While we’ve never had the pleasure to meet in “real life,” I have a sneaking suspicion that if we ever got together, it would be an afternoon of coffee, laughter, and the best kind of girlfriend time you can imagine.
So, yesterday, Kristin blogged about an adorable Tinkerbell pinata she made for her daughter’s upcoming birthday. As is my usual blogger M/O, I left a comment.
I expected a chuckle, and a witty comeback. I thought we’d share a laugh and move on. But about 5 minutes later I got a message on my Facebook profile from Kristin.
Yes, that says 34 comments.
It all started innocently enough…just two friends cracking jokes, being silly, sharing an amusing conversation…

But when you play the Twitter card, things get serious.

In a matter of milliseconds, it went from tweeting screen captures of our Facebook conversation to hashtags, compulsive Wahlberg stalking, and a full-out Donnie Pinata Campaign.

Before you knew it, Kristin had started using the hashtag DonniePinata, and we were off to the races. Our objective: get permission from the man himself for use of his picture on my birthday pinata (as long as I promised not to dent his face.)

I campaigned my little heart out, hoping for a smile, a twitter hug (Donnie’s fans know them as TWUGs), or just some small token of recognition from my favorite New Kid…

Kristin was right there by my side, at one point pleading with my Favorite Tweet of the Day:

This one made me snort. Seriously.

UNTIL…..

In the midst of our Donnie Pinata campaign, Donnie started tweeting. My response went something like this:

OMG OMG OMG. Donnie’s online. RIGHT NOW. OMG OMG OMG OMG. *tweet tweet tweet TWEET TWEET FURIOUSLY TWEETING*

Between the two of us, we managed to tweet about 47 times in approximately 30 seconds. And as I was in the middle of tweet #48, I looked up and, to my utter amazement and delight, I see this:

HOLY. FREAKIN’. COW.


My heart dropped into my stomach. I stopped breathing. My hands got really sweaty. And I will admit it to you, dear reader…

I just about peed in my britches.

And then….

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I took my glee with me to Facebook:

Let’s not even talk about the 138 text messages I sent to my husband.

The truth is, I’ll probably never meet Donnie Wahlberg. As much as I want to, I’ll probably never get to see the New Kids on tour or go on one of their summer cruises. I know I’m one of a squillion girls who Twitterstalk Donnie to the point (I’m sure) of frustration. But that he took a second out of his busy, glamorous life just to click “follow” under my name….

Well, that just makes me love him that much more.

And the best part of all this? My pinata isn’t even HERE yet. Who KNOWS what will happen when I actually get it!

Did I mention he was my 101st follower? Right…that was the other milestone. One hundred followers on Twitter. But it seems less important, in the grand scheme of things.

PS: Honey, as much as I adore you, and you know I do, I think this goes in the “W” column for Donnie…

Brian’s Confession and a Heart-Stopping Freak Out Moment

Now that the smoke has cleared, the votes have all been tallied, and the score officially revealed, Brian and I were able to have a long, adult conversation about my Donnie Wahlberg obsession.

A: See, I really DO love you more than Donnie Wahlberg.
B: Nu-unh.
A: Yes huh!
B: Nu-UNH!
A: Yes HUH! Crazy uber-jealous man!
B: So’s your face.
Ok, that wasn’t the adult part of the conversation. This was:
B: I’m really not that jealous of him. I think it’s funny.
A: Really?
B: Really. In fact….
…and at this point he said something so profound, I dove for my Droid and immediately asked him to repeat himself on camera.
At first, all I got was sarcasm (my husband’s middle name):


Then, finally, after much prodding (and pouting), he made his confession on film, for the world to see.


And so, my occasional Donnie Wahlberg blogs (OMG did you see him dance last night on Dancing with the Stars?) are safe. For now.

*    *     *    *     *    *    *    *    *    *     *    *     *    *    *    *    *    *     *    *      *    *

Now, readers, I’m relying on you to tell me the truth here. What do you see in this picture:

Nothing? Really? Ok, how about THIS one:

Ok, have you been hanging around with my husband??? Do I need to draw a picture? How’s this:

THOSE HAIRS ON MY HEAD ARE GREY!!!!!!!!!!!

*deep breath*

A few days ago, I swear to you, I found a grey hair. Before I thought to myself, “Gee, I should take a picture or show my husband,” I plucked that sucker right outta there in a moment of sheer panic.

Once my heart rate slowed and my eyes stopped bugging out of my head, I reasoned, “Surely, it must have been a fluke.”

As in, this particular grey hair, who’s life I’d just brutally ended, had MEANT to grow on Old Mother Hubbard’s head, and just took a wrong turn and ended up on mine.

Then, this morning, as I was putting on my eyeliner, I saw ANOTHER one. And it brought friends. So, I’m showing you this photographic evidence so I can ask you this question. Is this assumption of mine correct?

I always thought I’d age gracefully. Now I’m not so sure.

Settling a Score

There’s a new four-letter word in our house. Apparently, it starts with the letter D. And ends with -onnie Wahlberg.

Let me say, for the record, that while I do love some Donnie Wahlberg, I flat-out ADORE my husband.

However, I believe he’s started feeling threatened by my increased infatuation with the New Kid and Blue Bloods star. The clues were small at first…a raised eyebrow at a mention of Donnie in my blog, eye-rolling at a new photoshopped photo of me with the Don, a passing remark that didn’t quite compute but was meant to sink in.

Then he stopped being indirect about the whole thing and just let me know, in no uncertain terms, how he was feeling.

B: So. You blogged about HIM again, huh?
A: Him? Who?
B: HIM. Donnie Wahlberg.
A: Oh. I may have mentioned him, sure. Why?
B: Mentioned? You wrote an entire blog about a dream you had about HIM hugging you.
A: Aw, honey. Are you feeling jealous?

In yesterday’s post, I created a photoshopped image that included some of my favorite Twitter stalkees. Donnie was, naturally, included in that image. When Brian shared my blog on his Facebook page (as he dutifully does every day, because he’s a wonderful husband and I love him SO!) THIS is what it looked like:

(I know he just misspelled Donnie’s name to irk me.)

At any rate, I decided that, if he’s going to take score, he should at least have an accurate count. So here, honey, are a couple of lists that will help you take stock of the Donnie versus Brian phenomenon.

Posts That Have Appeared on AbbyGabs That Are About My Husband (IE: he is mentioned at least once, written about in a flattering manner, referred to as a “Genius” and/or treated like the god he is):
1. I Like Lists
2. Here’s The Thing About Valentine’s Day
3. A Funny Story (At My Husband’s Expense)
4. Love Expressions
5. My Husband Picked Today’s Blog Topic
6. I’m Not a Cat Burglar…
7. Failure Is Not An Option…Unless It’s A Reality
8. My Husband Is a Lurker
9. The Best Advice I Ever Received
10. The Post My Husband Has Been Waiting For

Remember this, honey?

11. I’m Not Good At April Fools Day
12. Comparisons
13. My OCD Takes a New Form
14. The Elephant In Our Living Room
15. Our Television Watching Habits Are Questionable
16. A Post For Brian
17. A Post For Brian, Part Deux

How about this one, dear?

18. Pants Are Bad!
19. Conversation With My Husband
20. Spending Hours In Front of the Mirror Doesn’t Make Me Vain

**I would like to point out that this list is ONLY comprised of blogs in which my husband is written about in a significant manner. If I had listed every blog he is even *mentioned* in, we would have an even larger number.**

Posts That Have Appeared On AbbyGabs That Are About Donnie Wahlberg (IE: THIS list comprises of every single post in which his name is used, whether the blog is about him or not.)
1. I’m Only Slightly OCD. Ok, So Maybe I’m OCD. Ah, hell. I’m SO OCD. (*While Donnie’s name is not mentioned in this blog, his picture is depicted in the New Kids poster photoshopped on the wall. So, this counts.)
2. Let’s Pretend We’re 8 Again
3. Thursday Grab Bag (mention only)
4. People I Envy the Most
5. Random Things I Often Wonder About
6. Comparisons
7. Childhood Memories (*Again, he’s just in the poster on the wall.)
8. The Most Amazing Dream, Ever
9. Twitter Confuses Me

So, if my math is correct, that would bring the current score to:

I think I’ve made my case.

A Post For Brian

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I used to be a cheerleader.

Don’t laugh, I have photographic evidence.

And while I don’t still sport the same girlish figure, I do still utilize a lot of cheerleader-like tendencies in my day-to-day life.

For instance, don’t expect me to be docile if my favorite team is playing. I’m not going to sit quietly, ask any stupid questions, or offer to refill your drink. Rather, I’ll be sitting right next to you, screaming at the television as if I were at the stadium and my pleas to “break the quarterback’s neck” could actually be heard from my seat.

You’ve also noticed that I can make the most expressive faces known to man. That comes from pulling faces during competitions.  Example:

She’s good, but she has nothing on me.

I’m not sure why smiling isn’t enough, but honestly, pulling faces was the most fun aspect of dance for me. And I was GOOD at it.

But I think the one cheerleading trait I use the most often is my ability to instinctively know when a crowd needs a pick-me-up. After years of pulling for the underdogs, I can always feel the mood of the crowd shift from excitement to worry to hopelessness. Cue the cheerleaders! It was our job to make sure the crowd was still in it, despite the scoreboard.

So when my husband, my amazing husband, the man who is working full time and going to school full time, the man who has little-to-no free time, the man who is singularly changing our lives….when my husband comes home feeling exhausted and stressed and defeated, I reach for my proverbial pompoms.

Well, readers, today my pompoms aren’t so proverbial. They may be photoshopped, but the intent is the same. So join me, will you, in cheering on The Best Husband in the Universe!

Ahem.

Brian fans
In the stands, yell
“Let’s Go B!”
Brian fans
In the stands, yell
“You’re the man!”
Brian fans
In the stands, yell
“Bri’s Our Guy!”
Brian fans 
In the stands, yell
“You’re the man!”
 
 
 
Go, go, go Brian!
Everybody yell:
“GO BRIAN!”
Go, go, go Brian!
Everybody yell:
“GO BRIAN!”
 
 
 
 
 
Who rocks the house?
Brian rocks the house!
And when Brian rocks the house
He rocks it all the way down.
Who rocks the house?
Brian rocks the house!
And when Brian rocks the house
He rocks it all the way down!
 
*Abby puts pompoms down.*
Well, I hope that got my point across. Here’s hoping it made you smile, B. Cuz you are AWESOME and I’m SO PROUD OF YOU!!! You are my Superman.
You didn’t really think you’d be immune to the Photoshop fun today did you?
That’s right. I did it. You can thank me later.

Random Things I Often Wonder About

I spend a lot of my free time pondering life in general. (One: because my job is just that boring and I have plenty of free time to do so and Two: it helps me come up with stuff to write about.) I find myself wondering about a lot of random things, like what the marshmallows in Lucky Charms are REALLY made of, and what it would be like to see the world from outer space.

I think part of that comes from being a naturally curious person. Most of it comes from being a writer, though, and always trying to think of a new topic to write about.

A friend of mine from college, Dave, sent me a question on FB this morning about just such a topic. So I decided to turn it into one of my favorite “list” blogs.

Random Things I Often Wonder About:


#1 Why can’t the criminals on Cops have thought bubbles?
Go ahead and deny it, but I won’t believe you. EVERYBODY watches Cops. And each time the guy gets pulled out of his vehicle, sporting the “I Didn’t Do It, Officer” t-shirt with that bewildered (or is it stoned?) look in his eye, I always wonder what he’s thinking when he sees that camera.

“Oh, crap, Mama’s gonna kill me.”
“Oh, crap, that guy I owe a lotta money is gonna kill me.”
“Oh, crap, my wife is gonna kill me.”
“Did I brush my teeth today?”
HOORAY! I’m FINALLY gonna be on Cops!”

Wouldn’t the show be THAT MUCH BETTER if they somehow electronically added thought bubbles???

#2 When did speaking like an intelligent person go out of style?
I miss words like “nonetheless,” and “ergo,” and “furthermore.” I crave the opportunity to use words like “indubitably,” “consequently,” and “inasmuch as.” And don’t get me started on how exhilarating it is to use the word “hence.”

The sad thing is, when I use these words around most people, I get a look that much resembles this:

Don’t we miss speaking as though we have brains? Don’t you find it refreshing when you can have an entire conversation with an individual without them using the word “like” a hundred times? I miss words.

#3  A train track is 300 miles long. On one end of the track, Train A leaves the station at 4PM. On the opposite end of the track, Train B leaves leaves at 6PM. If Train A travels 45 mph and Train B travels 60 mph, when will they meet?


#4 Are those tweets really from Steve Martin/Ashton Kutcher/Donnie Wahlberg? (For all you Donnie fans, you’re welcome for the link.)

Anytime I see a tweet from a celebrity I always wonder…is that REALLY them? Or is it some sad publicist who’s only job is to make stuff up to tweet for that celebrity.
Granted, some of them are pretty obvious. I don’t think anyone would EVER willingly take pictures of Danny DeVito’s feet, even if they were being paid a substantial salary. It just goes against human nature. So I’m betting Danny’s tweets are real.
But the tweets from Anderson Cooper? Really, pal? Aren’t you somewhere embedded deep in the wilds of Afghanistan covering the news? Don’t tell me that, while you’re ducking into a cave to keep from being blown up, that you’re whipping out your smart phone to tweet about it. Seriously, Anderson, we worry. Tweet when you get home, ok?
And the one Dave asked me about today, #5: Whatever happened to those email surveys that were so popular before FB/Twitter took over the scenes?
I honestly don’t know the answer to that question, Dave. But, for nostalgia’s sake, here ya go.
What would you do if?
You got a visit from your favorite celebrity: ie, Donnie Wahlberg? I’d scream like a tween, leap into his arms, start sobbing the words to “Cover Girl” with intermittent shouts of words like “LOVE!” and “HOT!” and “MINE!” Then I’d spend the next 10 years apologizing to my husband.

You won 500 million dollars: You mean, like gold at the end of a rainbow? That’s easy. I already answered that question in this blog.

You found a wallet on the ground: I’d pick it up.

Your date throws up on you: I’d throw up on him right back.

You witnessed a murder: Pee my britches, run for the hills, create a fake identity and move to Paris.

You were stranded on an island with nothing but the ability to make one phone call: I’d call a genie and ask for three more phone calls. And a boat.


Facebook and Myspace both shut down: Myspace? What the hell is Myspace?

A random dude offered you candy: I’d eat it. Duh.

You lost your favorite thing in the world: Donnie???? NOOOOOOOOO!

You got invited to be on a reality TV show: Is it a show where I get to meet Donnie Wahlberg? If so, I’m in. If not, and it’s more like an eating worms and jumping from great heights show, I’m out.

Someone shaved off your eyebrows: The word “Bitch-Slap” comes to mind.

You got a phone call from the President: First, I would be stunned. Second, I would be silent, trying to figure out why he’d call me. Third, I’d probably get nervous and say something stupid, like, “Whassup, Barack? How’s it hangin’?”

You had one wish: Do I really need to answer that question, after all the Donnie Wahlberg references in this survey? I think not.