While perusing the blog today, I stumbled across an old post I wrote titled “A Letter To My Daughter.” It was an emotional one for me, written without censorship and with the greatest of sincerity. Given our new journey toward adoption, I felt it was only appropriate to also reach out to my Son…wherever he is.
As I write this, we haven’t met yet. I think you might be out there somewhere, waiting for me, wondering where I am. I can already imagine your giant smile, your infectious giggle, your chubby little arms and legs. I can close my eyes and smell your little boy smell: all sunshine and dirt and chocolate pudding. I can’t quite make your face come into focus–but that will all change, soon. Because I am positive that, as soon as I see you, I’ll know in the bottom of my soul that you are mine. It’s easy to recognize that in someone that you already love more that life itself.
We are gonna have so much fun together, little man. We’re gonna run on the beach, our toes in the sand, chasing the waves as they wash out to sea. We’re gonna dig in the mud and splash in the puddles, till we’re all wet and dirty. You’ll fuss a little when I wipe your face so you don’t get dirt in your eyes, but don’t fret. It won’t take long, and I’ll let you get right back to that all-important mud pie. We’re gonna build giant towers made of blocks, and I’m going to take pictures of you making your “I’m concentrating” face. Then we’ll laugh and laugh and laugh when you knock them all back down again.
I can already guess that you and your Dad are going to be thick as thieves. You’ll bond over cars that transform into cool robots, and he’ll teach you all the things there are to know about the planet Cybertron, so you’ll be well-versed. He’ll be the first one to curl up on the couch with you on Saturday mornings for your all-day cartoon-a-thon. He’ll be able to tell you all the best ones to watch, too. Dad is an expert when it comes to these things, trust me, little man. It will make me a little jealous, watching you wax philosophical on the inherent differences between DC and Marvel comics with your Dad instead of me, but it will also make my heart soar inside.
Here are some things you need to know about me: I will at some point lick my finger to remove that bit of ketchup on your cheek. It’s going to drive you bananas, but it’s a mother’s job to make sure her son is spic-and-span (most of the time.) I will be your biggest cheerleader throughout your life, and you will roll your eyes at me during every event–be it soccer, baseball, football, gymnastics, dance, math tournaments, or whatever outlet you manage to fall in love with. I will be here for you whenever you need someone to talk to, and if you’re not ready to talk, I’ll be here just to hang out with you, too. I’ll teach you everything you need to know about cooking, so that one day, you can join your Pops and me in the kitchen on Sundays. And one day, you’ll be able to cook for your first girlfriend, and she’ll be so very impressed with your skills. (Trust me. Girls love a guy who can cook!)
But the most important thing you need to know about me, little man, is that I will ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, love you–as big as the sky, as wide as the ocean, and as bright as the sun. Nothing can change that.
And so, I’ll keep dreaming of you, and hoping one day that we’ll finally meet. Until then, you are and will always be Mama’s Little Man.
All my love,