My name is Abby, and I’m the author and CEO of AbbyGabs (dot) com. I am preparing this statement today in order to share with you my feelings regarding the newly publicized relationship between my pretend celebrity boyfriend, Mr. Donald Edmond Wahlberg, Jr., and one Jennifer “Jenny” Ann McCarthy.
On September 9, 2013, the couple officially announced their relationship on the popular daytime program, “The View.” I witnessed them hugging, kissing, and touching (all while seated relatively close to Barbara Walters. For shame.) He also reportedly filled Ms. McCarthy’s dressing room with balloons and flowers, and has been seen on countless other daytime shows discussing his new state of happiness in the land of
(I will say that I was impressed that Ms. McCarthy included “the Blockheads” in her adoration of Donnie’s butt. However, unless she can provide photographic evidence of herself in braces sporting an original New Kids on the Block t-shirt from 1991, I will continue to call her status as “Blockhead” into question.)
The pair revealed in this interview that they’d started seeing each other seriously “sometime around the fourth of July.” Let the record reflect that that was mere weeks after my own rendezvous with Donnie in Charlotte.
I would like to be clear on two points: 1) I wish nothing but happiness for Mr. Wahlberg and will always have a soft spot for him in my heart. And 2) I have nothing against Ms. McCarthy (with the exception of her misleading anti-vaccination campaign and her crude Candies ad from the 90s). May happiness rain down upon them both.
I am not bitter. In fact, I’m happy for Donnie. I will always love him and support him and scream for him when he takes off his shirt on his hit television drama, Blue Bloods. But hearts have a way of mending themselves, especially when the fun of searching for a new celebrity boyfriend begins. And so now, I’d like to make a formal announcement.
There is new fake love in my life.
Some of you may have wondered what was going on between me and Nathan back when I first started posting about ComicCon (particularly when my countdown featured him in a ‘front and center’ manner.) The truth is, we’d already started communicating through Twitter, and we actually met up at this year’s Nerd HQ. One thing led to another, and well…I was always meant to be with a Captain, really.
And so, in conclusion, I’d like to thank all of you who supported my
stalking relationship with Donnie Wahlberg. We will always be close–in fact, I Tweeted him just this morning. But I hope you can all be happy for Nathan and me, as our relatively new pretend relationship grows. You’ll be interested to know that we enjoy cosplaying together. We love Saturday-long Star Trek marathons. And he’s even teaching me a little Chinese. How cool is that?
If this is your first time visiting AbbyGabs in a few days, you’ll notice a brand new design. Thanks to pal and fellow blogger, Carrie Baughcum of Heck Awesome, for her support, inspiration, and creativity throughout this process!
And to those who worry I’ve lost my bonkers because I’m leaving Donnie Wahlberg, here’s a little secret between you and me: I still intend to stalk him on Twitter. Maybe just not as religiously as I’ll be stalking Nathan for awhile, as my heart heals.