As a writer, words are so much more than a means of communication. Words are my foundation, my craft, and my passion. On most every day, I can manage to find the words to adequately express how I’m feeling.
It’s true, however, that I’m a little more awkward in conversation: I write with more eloquence than I speak. Perhaps it’s because writing gives me the opportunity to pause, to decipher, to carefully select the perfect word, like the perfect morsel from the plate. Perhaps it’s because writing allows me to self-edit, backing up when my thought derails, removing the words that don’t quite express what I’m trying to express.
Perhaps it’s because of my readily available Thesaurus app. (Hey, now. Don’t judge.)
Either way, thoughts that I’m unable to articulate out loud often flow easily when I put pen to paper. (Or keyboard to cursor, as it were.) It’s rare that I find myself without words.
But it happens on occasion. And when it does, I find myself floundering, struggling for purchase, unsure in a world that I’ve carved out for myself. I feel like I’m floating away a little from my own reality, like a boat cut loose from its mooring.
I’m a writer. I should be able to find the words to describe this feeling. And yet, they elude me. That makes a difficult, uncomfortable feeling that much more unbearable.
So I’ll put down my bag of tricks, for now. I’ll give my adverbs the day off, and I’ll leave the alliteration for another day. Because even a writer, sometimes, can be left without the right words. Sometimes, as an artist, it becomes imperative to step back, let life happen, and wait for the storms to pass. Sometimes, even when the words can act like a balm to the injured places, they fail to present themselves for the healing that needs to take place.
I’ll be looking for them: shining my flashlight into the dark spaces, searching for the words that I know are in my heart somewhere. I’ll be pondering over them: waiting until not just some words, but THE words find me before I share them. And I know, with my writer’s soul, that I will find them. Eventually.