Starting Over.

Today, I weigh 250.6 pounds.

There, I said it. The number—that dreaded, awful, huge number—that plagues my thoughts on a daily basis. It has been written out in bold print for the world to see. I am ashamed, I am mortified, I am disgusted.

But why? Why am I ashamed to share that number? Why does it make my palms sweat, and my knees weak, to think that people…not just my husband, but people I know…will see that number and think “Crap. She IS fat.”

It will not change how much my best friend loves me. It will not change the wonderful relationship I have with my parents. It will not cause people to un-friend me on Facebook, or unsubscribe from my blog (I hope.) 

That number—250.6—is just that. A number. It is not who I am. I will not be defined by that number. I will not allow myself to be defined by my weight, just like I won’t let myself be defined by my infertility, or my Southern heritage, or my liberal politics. I won’t allow myself to be typecast, pigeonholed, or labeled. Because I am more than the sum of my parts. I am more than a fat girl, a childless mother, a tree-hugging hippie. I am more that the definitions society wants to place on me as part of its stereotypes. 

There have been obstacles in my path so far–ones that I should have scaled over or navigated around–that stopped me in my tracks. So now it’s time to pick myself up, and dust myself off, and figure out just why I keep falling down to begin with. 

I may need a band aid over to cover my scraped ego. I may even need a kiss and a hug and a pat on the head.

But I will continue my journey, even if I have to tread through the brambles in order to find my path.

Who cares if I have to start over? Who cares if I’ve done it a million times before, only to fail?  This time might just be the time that it all makes a difference. So I’ll get up in the mornings and go to the gym that we haven’t visited in two weeks. I’ll count my calories and eat more vegetables and avoid my trigger foods. It’s back to the grind, back to the full time job that is trying to lose weight. I will tell myself that this 2 week layover was a setback, not failure. And I will move on. To a healthier, happier, thinner me.


Abby’s Weight Loss Journey, Day One, is today.

12 thoughts on “Starting Over.

  1. Alex@LateEnough

    I don’t think of you any different. Well, maybe I think you’re a little braver than I thought before because it can be hard to admit something that we carry shame around… know I’m sending you lots of support for your journey.

  2. The380 Lady

    I am so incredibly encouraged by you right now. I also am in full blown admiration of you for having the courage to post those numbers for the world to see. If it makes you feel any better my number is bigger than your number. I hate all the measuring and counting and sweating and feeling like my whole life is consumed by the journey of my weight loss. What I’ve realized though is that these things are necessary if I plan to see 40 or even 35.

    1. Abby Chamberlain

      I know YOU know how hard it was for me to publish that number. But like I said, I refuse to be defined by it, especially because I know that with hard work and will power I can CHANGE that number. Need a weight loss buddy? I’m your girl. XO

  3. Jenn

    Wohoo, love your attitude! You can do it! My journey has been FULL of ups and downs but I have never totally given up. Look forward to seeing less of you in June on our epic journey!

  4. WritingPassionsThoughts

    Abby, I applaud you for posting your weight and speaking frankly about it. To tell you the truth it isn’t something that I could do. Never have been, no matter my size, so thank you for being strong, thank you for showing the rest of us that the number doesn’t matter, it’s how we feel and if we are healthy that matters.

    With that said, may I make a suggestion? Try not to think of it as pounds lost. There is a saying that really touched me and changed the way I see the journey. ‘We don’t lose weight. To say that we lost it means that we intend to find it. Once it’s gone it should stay gone. It’s pounds melted away or pounds dropped. ;)’

    Hope that helps you on your journey, and I will be one of your virtual cheerleaders standing on the sidelines. 🙂

  5. erica sadler-young

    You don’t know me but I went to school with your sweet husband. I’ve read your blogs before but this one was incredibly touching and really makes my heart go out to you. I weighed 140 lbs when I found out I was pregnant, I was 220 lbs when I gave birth. I gained 80 lbs. I couldn’t believe how mean people could be! Constant comments, even from total strangers who would come up to me exclaiming “youre sooo big!”, I’m dead serious. I’m still battling that last 20, and I still get rude comments. I admire you for posting this blog. It takes a lot of courage but we, as women, need to learn the lessons you stated in your blog. That number, our weight, does not define us. We should lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Good luck with your journey, keep us all posted. I’m sure you will have lots of encouragement! You are a very brave woman! You can do this!

    1. Abby Chamberlain

      Thank you, Erica! And thanks for reading the blog. I can’t understand people who say such negative things to a person, especially over something like weight. Mean people suck. Thank you for being one of the kind ones, for reaching out with encouragement and positivity. We can all benefit from that. 🙂

  6. Laverne Smith

    First of all these comments…oh my heart! Your words have so much meaning, purpose and such a voice. It is an important voice full oh honesty, passion, love and beauty. Change is hard. Changing being more active. Changing what we eat and then having to do it over and over because the change doesn’t happen as soon as we decide we want it. The journey to weight loss…heck any journey to change is full of oops, damn, what the heck, and oh I messed up. It’s what you do next that important. More important to me is the beautiful , witty, crazy uber creative, Dr Who loving, Donnie crazed, amazingly talented woman I want to see happy and sometimes that isn’t about the number. It sounds to me like you are on the right track and seriously….xoxoxox

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