While you re-arrange your face into a more normal appearance, let me back-pedal a bit and explain why.
You see, Christmas at my house just isn’t Christmas without a little Straight, No Chaser. We LOVE this group. My husband, who was always the semi-Scrooge in our little family, was completely won over when he first heard their version of The Twelve Days of Christmas. When he showed slight enthusiasm for a Christmas song, I immediately went to iTunes and downloaded every single Christmas song they’ve ever done. And now, each year the gentle strains of Straight, No Chaser, can be heard in our home as we deck the halls.
Still, that doesn’t explain why I believe, in my soul of souls, that I’m meant to be in an all-male a cappella group. Specifically, I’m meant to be in THIS all-male a cappella group. (And not just because their name is grammatically correct.) Here, let me make my case.
#1: I think I’d fit right in.
Sure, it’s a bunch of boys who can sing. And I’m a girl who can’t sing. BUT, (hear me out, readers. The argument is about to get good.) I am all about cheese. Not just the kind you eat, but the really theatrical, cheesy goodness that comprises a majority of an a cappella group’s performances. Need someone to pull a face and do jazz hands? I’m SO your girl.
#2: So what if I can’t sing…
I could easily be the member who makes funny noises, says something campy or snaps my fingers. Plus, I can lip-sync like nobody’s business. Can you tell me, based on this photographic evidence, that I am not, in fact, singing in perfect harmony? No, you cannot.
#3 I already know all the words.
It’s true. I know where all the high notes in “Jingle Bells.” I know all the places to chant in “Who Spiked the Egg Nog.” And I always know where the high kicks begin in my all-time favorite Straight, No Chaser Christmas tune—The Christmas Can Can.
I even taught myself the Spanish parts of “Donde Esta Santa Claus.” See? That’s some true dedication right there.
So, Straight, No Chaser? Can I be your first female member? I promise I can make up for my lack of vocal abilities and slight stage fright with an enthusiasm that is promised to be contagious.