Three Movie References, An Old School TV Reference, and a Potential Million-Dollar Invention

I have been a proud iPhone 5 user for about two weeks now. And it is everything I’d hoped for and more. I feel like Oprah with my ever-growing list of favorite things. 

1) The organizational capabilities on this phone make my little OCD heart sing. Folders on the desktop?? Are you KIDDING ME? It’s almost as good as color coded tabbies!

2) Music. Music music music. Not only does my awesome phone have enough space to hold my ENTIRE (and HUGE) iTunes collection, but I also have Spotify AND Pandora for those days when I want to rock out to some 80s tunes that Brian refuses to let me buy. (He has a thing against Paula Abdul and Martika. Not sure why. Something about how their voices feel like a cheese grater on his face. More on that another time.) 

3) Holy Apps Batman. I never had so many apps on any of my previous phones. I only downloaded the necessities. I never DREAMED I could have 2 music apps, 4 news apps, 3 weather apps, eleven photo-manipulating apps, and 4 games, all on the same device. When I turn my iPhone on every morning, I’m surprised my head doesn’t explode from all the apps. What do I do first?!?!?!? Find out my new word of the day, play Trace, or read the NPR headlines?!?

4) Siri and I are BFFs. No, really. You may think that Siri is your BFF, but she’s just frontin’, cuz she loves me more. We’ve already collaborated on dinner dates, new book ideas, meal plans and driving directions. She gets me. She really gets me.

5) It’s fast, I get terrific reception everywhere, I’ve never dropped a call, and it’s fast. Did I mention it’s fast. It’s lickety-split, super-dooper, Speedy-Gonzales fast.

And where there are 5 reasons for the love affair I’m currently having with my iPhone, there are about a million more. I kinda feel a little like Maria Von Trapp…

In truth, there’s only been one thing about my phone that it less-than-amazeballs. And it has nothing to do with the phone. 

I have developed this strange tick, if you will…an overwhelming emotion of over-protectiveness when it comes to my beloved iPhone. I’ve never been that way before, with any technological goody. Want to play with my $600 Canon? Sure, have at it. Think you might like to toodle with my crazy-expensive Alienware desktop computer? Download whatever you want. It’s cool. Oh, did you drop my Droid on the concrete there? No biggie. Rub some dirt in it, it’ll be fine.

But when it comes to the safety of my iPhone, I morph from “Abby of Sweetness and Light” to “Abby, Gollum’s Twin Sister.”

It started the day after I got my phone. I had it plugged in safely by the couch, in the same place I’ve been charging phones now for about 8 years. Everything was fine and dandy, until I noticed that my phone was in perilous danger.

Is that an obscure “Lost in Space” reference? Why, yes. Yes it is.

I immediately moved my water glass, shooed the cat away, and moved my phone into the safety of my own pocket. Whew. Crises averted.

A little while later, phone still secure in my pocket, I headed outside to check the mail box. I stuck my hand into my pocket to check on My Precious, and that’s when I had another epiphany…what if my phone fell OUT of my pocket, unawares, and smashed down onto the asphalt? The Horror!! So I took it out of my pocket, and clutched it between my breasts like it was a life preserver, and I was one of the last passengers to escape the Titanic.

I was appalled at myself. Surprised at my reactions. I chastised myself and swore I wouldn’t let it happen again.

But it did. About eleventy-hundred more times over the last 12 days: When handing it to a friend to inspect (they might drop it), when shooting video at the fair (someone might steal it), when finally moving it to charge in the bedroom–which offered all new hazards to my phone’s health–and even when using it as a make-shift cook book in the kitchen.

Oy vey. Just thinking about how many times I could have dropped it in the sink while listening to Taylor Swift while brushing my teeth makes my heart flip over in my chest.

My goal in life now is to learn how to treat it like a phone instead of the Holy Grail. But I’m struggling with it, ya’ll. I’m THISCLOSE to searching the internet for a Baby Bjorn-like device so I can keep my phone safe all day long.

Hey. That might work.

3 thoughts on “Three Movie References, An Old School TV Reference, and a Potential Million-Dollar Invention

  1. Laverne Smith

    You never fail to make me snort and laugh out loud!!! It is also things like is that leave me in awww of how much we have in common. “My precious” I TOTALLY feel that way about my phone and iPad. It is almost comical. “Don’t run with it” ” be careful with it” “don’t walk to fast” I’ve even been known to walk with my hands under the phone while one of the girls is carrying it. It really is an incredible piece of technology. I remember thinking years ago when I had a Palm wishing and needing it to do more and then apple didi it. I could go on and on. I think my phone and iPad are sexy piece so f fantastic and I am in awww of what they do!!!

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