My Sad, Chubby, Crumb-y Truth

Remember when I was all like “Watch me, readers, I’m losing weight at LIGHTNING SPEED!!!” Remember when I was posting blogs about jogging and eating healthy and finding my inner athlete? Well, I realized yesterday, as I polished off an entire bag of Chex Mix, that there’s a good chance I hadn’t mentioned how far off track I’ve gotten in the past few months.

See, first there was summer. Then there was kidney stones and injuries and vacations and road trips and general time-wasting. And now there’s just…boredom and laziness, compiled with an ever-expanding waistline and too-tight jeans.

Go me.

And so, my sad, crumby truth is that I’ve spent the last 4 months regaining more than half of the weight I managed to lose at the beginning of the year.

It started off with little things: a teaspoon of sugar on my multi-grain Cheerios, a diet soda with lunch, a homemade pizza with extra cheese. But you know what they say….trigger foods create a dieter’s worst nightmare. I went from occasional treats to constant cravings. From eating out twice a month to eating out twice a week. From a random diet soda on a random afternoon to having a 12-pack of Pepsi in my fridge.

It’s a slippery slope, people.

I’m not the only one who’s suffered from my lack-of-will-power, either. If I put a green leafy salad with simple grilled chicken in front of my husband, he will eat it with gusto. If I put a huge grilled steak with a twice-baked potato slathered in sour cream and cheese in front of my husband, he will eat it with an equal amount of gusto. And when I say, “Babe, I’m craving chocolate,” he doesn’t just come home with a candy bar. He comes home with OPTIONS: ice cream, miniature Reese cups and a Paula Deen double-chocolate pound cake.

It’s true. He loves me.

But we rarely acknowledge the growing tummies that separate us when we hug.

I think about starting over at least 100 times a day. Each time I look in the mirror, each time I struggle to button my jeans, each time my knee cracks when I heft myself off of the couch. And then I’m faced with taking the actual steps—tossing out the junk food, making that first grocery list, digging out my calorie counting apps and notebooks—and I totally stall out. I just don’t have the energy.

Instead I’m all like:

“But Abby, you’d have the energy if you’d start working out again!”

Yeah, yeah. I already know that. In fact, I know a LOT about weight loss.

I know what it takes to lose weight. I know the math. I know the foods I should avoid. I know how many calories I have to burn each day. I know the proper form for a push-up. I know running is harder on the joints, but better for the burn, than time spent on an elliptical. I know that “low-fat” options aren’t always better than regular fat options in moderation. I know the first step is just doing something about it instead of complaining with no action.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I KNOW!!!

What I don’t know is why I keep failing. Why I’d rather put on my pajamas and lay on the couch than run a lap around my neighborhood. I don’t know why I lose 30 or 35 pounds, only to give up just when I’m starting to really get a good head of steam going. I don’t know why I give up. I just do.

So now begins the tedious task of psyching myself up to do it all over again. I have to convince myself that it’s worth it. That I’m worth it. I have to try and forget the achy muscles, sore calves, and blistered feet, and instead try and focus on better sleep, thinner thighs, more energy. I need to jump-start my life.

Got any jumper cables I can borrow?

14 thoughts on “My Sad, Chubby, Crumb-y Truth

  1. Katnip Lounge

    Abby, You did so well when you had a buddy…maybe you need another workout pal for motivation?
    Remember, life is a journey and we are always going FORWARD. Don’t look back!

    1. Abby Chamberlain

      I was my most successful with an exercise buddy. The problem is that they’re kind of hard to come by–and even harder to find one I can trust. I almost think I’d be better off with a personal trainer—someone invested in my success but able to keep their emotions in check when mine are running rampant. Now if only I had a gazillion dollars to hire one. LOL

    2. Dana Fritz

      Maybe your best bet is to deal with those emotional issues first and tackle your physical goals second. The body is easy to change, the mind is stubborn.

    3. Abby Chamberlain

      Unfortunately, I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life where my emotional issues are gone. There will always be something, some reason, not to do it. If I let those emotional issues keep me from working out, I’ll always be fat. So, wouldn’t my best bet be to try and heal my body, in hopes that emotional satisfaction will follow?

  2. Dana Fritz

    In the last six months I have learned that not only can I run, I am a decent runner, and I HATE running. I’ve realized that spending most of my thinking energy on psyching myself up for a run is a complete waste of grey matter. The fact is that if it is not fun I am not going to do it, no matter how good it is for me or how good I am doing it. Find something fun, do it until it is no longer fun, and then find a new fun thing to do. Some people live for the workout, some people work out to live. Accept which one you are and enjoy it.

  3. Anonymous

    I feel your pain kid…I keep losing 15, 20 lbs..only too do a reverse…usually gainging even more than i lost…last time I was doing prety well with wt. watchers and a gal pal was praising me to my hubby and he replied, “oh well she’ll quit just like always!” booo…but true…I walked 5 miles this morning and all I got is an aching achilles tendon and sore foot…tired and can’t get another dang thing done…that was it for this’s excerice then crash or maybe use that morning energy I get to acually accomplish a little house work…it’s a vicious cycle…but on the bright side, when I make it to heaven, everybody will be fat!!! (at least in my heaven they will) love you and love your honesty. <3

    1. Abby Chamberlain

      I’ve lost the same 30 pounds so many times that, if I hadn’t gained it all back, I’d have been at my goal weight of 140 lbs by last March. Seriously. I did the math. LOL

      I like to think that I won’t be fat in heaven, because cake will be 0 calories. :0D

  4. Laverne Smith

    Does I matter that I think you are an incredibly beautiful person. That I adore our friendship more then you will ever know. Most of all I support you 100% in any venture you decide to take on. I also wish wish so bad that we lived closer cause I would adore and cherish a workout buddy. While I am not in the same situation you are in I deeply remember my journey back to my Pre baby weight. And while life it insanely busy right now and I wish I had time to work out. Even when a moment presents itself I don’t find myself jumping up to get my exercise on. I simply adore you and while I completely understand the journey to weight loss. I completely understand the feelings excerise gives you and the confidence it brings please never forget the beautiful, talented, kind, amazing, incredible woman that looks back at you in the mirror XOXOXXO -LV

  5. kristie gwynn

    I am goin to start using the Arbonne 30 days to fit method. It is the only thing I hear people at my work say helps them keep it off. It’s more about finding the foods that don’t do well with your body. I may become a consultant if you wanna try! 🙂

  6. nagzilla

    I feel your pain, sister. I always tell people I know HOW to lose weight. I’m an expert on what I need to do to shed the pounds. I just DON’T. Whether it’s fear, rebellion, anger, laziness, whatever, I find it’s easier to just sit on the sofa and eat Chubby Hubby while watching NCIS than it is to actually make something healthy and go for a damn walk. *sigh*

    A part of me continues to think “Someday I’ll get it right.” And then another part of me says, “If you ain’t got it figured out by now, it ain’t gonna happen, toots.” That second voice? She’s kind of a bitch.

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