I mentioned in my last post that the internet has felt like a harsh place to be lately. I wish I could say I could simply turn my back on the world wide web and retreat into the peacefulness of my own life, but alas, that is not the case. Because you see, life has been somewhat harsh lately, too.
I’ve dealt with a barrage of hatefulness from my job in the last couple of weeks…from face-to-face interactions where people have hurled such insults that I feared I needed to duck:
To the kind of telephone conversations that make me want to plug my ears:
After eight hours of this sort of behavior, I wind up feeling exhausted, underpaid, under-appreciated, and feeling like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Or, more appropriately, the weight of the everybody else’s problems on my shoulders.
Emotionally battered and bruised, I tend to shy away from life. I wake up in the mornings in an “I don’t wanna” mood. “I don’t wanna work. I don’t wanna answer the phone. I don’t wanna send late notices. I don’t wanna call her back. I just don’t wanna.”
The don’t wanna’s tend to bleed into my personal life, as well. “I don’t wanna do laundry. I don’t wanna cook dinner. I don’t wanna go anywhere today. I don’t wanna write a blog. I don’t wanna check my email. I just don’t wanna.”
The only thing I’ve wanted to do lately is close my eyes and pretend I’m somewhere else.