Please Stand By

I was super-excited about my blog yesterday. I had an entire video blog planned out, down to the last shot. I eagerly got to work, setting up my camera, giggling with anticipation at the antics I had planned for you.

However, Technology had another plan for me yesterday.

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First, the dusty old digital camera that I use to shoot my video blogs just wouldn’t work. I couldn’t even get the stupid thing to turn on with fresh batteries. I mean…it is held together with scotch tape and spit, so I should be TOO surprised that it’s finally gone to camera heaven.

But–there was a solution to that problem. We actually have a hi-def video camera that I can use to shoot my blogs. Only problem with that—I’m fuzzy on how to convert the files so they’ll work with my video editing software. But…no biggie. I’m a smart girl. I’m college educated. I figure, I’ll figure it out as I go along.

So, I set up again, using my fancy-schmancy hi-def video camera. I shoot all the different bits of the video blog I had planned. I preview them on the computer. I’m a happy girl. Then comes the time to figure out how to get them from camera to hard drive. Right. The part I figured I could figure out.

Thirty minutes of mashing buttons, reading menus and crossing my fingers, I turn to the internet for help. I find the instruction booklet and, ten minutes later, the video files are uploaded onto my desktop. Fan-freakin’-tastic.

The next step is to create the Photoshop files that will be the intro and exit for the video blog. You know…the ones that look like this.

Making good progress now, I happily click on Photoshop to set to work.

Except it spazzes out, flips me off, and crashes.

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Seriously?? I try again, opening the software and hoping for the best.

It crashes again.

At this point I turn into Cathy from the comic strip.

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Ack, indeed.

Thirty more minutes of head-scratching, forehead slapping, and muttered cursing, and I *think* I’ve figured out the issues. I begin downloading a few updates and, deciding to get creative, pull out my sharpies instead. ‘I know!’ I think, ‘I’ll just draw my little intro/exit panels and then scan them into the computer! Genius! Clever! Endearing! I’m such a time-saver.’ So I whip out some card stock and let my inner child out. And the panels turn out super-cute.

At this point it’s almost noon. And the computer is still downloading updates for Adobe. So, I stick with my scanning plan and fire up the ol’ HP.

And get approximately one scan completed before it goes belly-up, too.

See how cute it is?!?!? Argh!!!!

At this point I’m beginning to think that all the electronics in the house had a midnight meeting and decided to play an early April Fools joke on me. Only I’m not finding it humorous AT ALL.

So guess what happens next, readers??

If you guessed fist-shaking, more cursing, and another half an hour troubleshooting yet another tech issue on the web, you’d be correct.

By now it’s way past lunchtime. I decide to reboot the computer, take a few minutes away from the whole thing, and enjoy my turkey sandwich on whole grain bread. Funnily enough, said sandwich doesn’t do much to lower my blood pressure, which is pulsing through my veins like a freight train. Nothing like frustration to get the heart pumping.

So, lunch finished, dishes washed, and I’m ready to face my foe again. In a last ditch effort, I decide to hold my breath and open Photoshop again, since I can’t get the printer working. And…EUREKA! It works! I quickly bang out my 4 panels, save them to the hard drive, and prepare to edit my video blog.

Usually this takes about an hour. Longer if I’m adding sound effects and whatnot. But yesterday’s vlog was pretty straight-forward. I already had the songs I needed, the panels were finished, so all I had left to do was cut out the unwanted bits of video and get everything in the right order.

Five minutes into the process I’m noticing that Windows Live Movie Maker is doing something weird with the videos. Something about processing them before I can edit them so that they can be viewed properly. I shrug it off as something to do with the video files from the camcorder versus the POS camera, so I shrug it off and keep at it.

Forty-five minutes into the process, things start to slooooooow doooooooown. What normally takes the program 3 minutes to open is now taking 6…then 9….then 12….

Seriously. Yertle the Turtle was faster than my PC yesterday. (source)

At this point I begin to consider the likelihood that I’ll have to make a run outside for an ax to protect myself against the evils of technology looming in my home. Because I’m seriously concerned that there’s an electronic uprising on my hands.

Just as I add the last few touches to the video blog, and manage to save it, Movie Maker shuts itself down. I’m absolutely flabbergasted. I reboot the computer again, hoping everything is going to work out. All I have to do at this point is save the blessed thing to YouTube, and then I’m home free. But alas, each time I try to open Movie Maker after that point, it shuts down before I have the chance to do much more than pray.

By the time my husband gets home from class, I’m a frazzled, angry, frustrated mess. I try to explain the problems I’ve been having, dumping all my displeasure on his already burdened shoulders. He diligently sits down at the desk, and I’m convinced he’ll have me up and running again in no time.

In short, my husband dealt with computer issues from 3:45 to 5:30 and only managed to fix the printer.

And so, I throw my hands up in the face of technology today and say, “I quit!”

(Except I really don’t. Because I’m determined to get that video blog posted. It may not be today, it may not even be tomorrow…but it will be shared, one way or another. Even if I have to mime it in photos.)

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