Trouble in Paradise

My relationship is on the rocks. I’m afraid we’ve come to an impasse. I never thought I’d see the day when our romance would come to an end, and my little heart is breaking. It’s a sad, sad day here at Abby Gabs.

True, it’s our first real argument. Yes, we could probably seek counseling, to try and heal this rift that has grown between us. If we’re honest with one another, though, it seems an impossible feat. For even though our love is pure, there are some things that, as a woman, you just cannot overcome.

I’ve been able to overlook his busy schedule, his penchant for flirting with other girls, and his long commute on weekends. But, the truth is, ladies…sometimes we have to set standards for ourselves that, if unmet, become reason enough to end the relationship. No matter how painful, no matter how difficult, no matter how incredibly sad…

It’s true. I have to say it out loud or I may never believe it myself.

I think I have to break up with my boyfriend.


It’s not about the infidelity, or the traveling, or even the loss of his oh-so-cute ‘stache. Nay, ladies. The deal breaker, for me, is about football.

You see, I’ve been a Carolina Panthers fan for, well, ever.

Now, for any NFL fans out there, you’d probably say that being a Panthers fan is sort of a moot point. Yes, it’s true, we’ve had our ups and downs over the past few years…but with a brand new coaching staff coupled with a spanking good quarterback, we’ve got a real chance in the next couple of seasons to make our splash in the big leagues.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m nothing if not passionate about my team of choice. I will bear their colors with pride, take up for their missteps with my last breath, and scream bloody murder when a good play is achieved. Competitiveness is my middle name. I’m glad for you if you have a team you support the way I support the Panthers. (Unless your team beats mine.)

Here’s the thing with Donnie. You see, he’s a Patriots fan.

And if you’re a Patriots fan, that means you like Tom Brady.

Tom Brady. Ew.

Brady and I…well…we have history. There are a hundred reasons why I don’t like him, but that’s a different blog for a different day. Let me just say this: Tom Brady was quarterback for the Patriots when they beat the Panthers in Super Bowl 38.

So when I see Tom Brady tossing his beautiful locks over his shoulder, posing for the camera, acting like he’s the World’s Best At Everything, all I can remember is that feeling of utter defeat.

Ugh. I just threw up in my mouth a little .

That Donnie supports the Patriots isn’t a huge leap. I mean, I guess he IS from Boston. (And at least he doesn’t pull for the Eagles. Because then we really WOULD have to break up.)

But what are we supposed to do, come Super Bowl Sunday, when he is on one side of the gridiron, and I am clearly on the other?


I mean, is this a rift that can be repaired? Is my relationship doomed, all because of a game?

No, Donnie. Your adorableness will not get you out of this argument. I just don’t know what to…OH! Wait! WAIT!! I can TOTALLY FIX THIS!!!


That’s SO much better.

Ok. Crises averted. Relationship back on.

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