2011 Tried to Kill Me

We had a pretty awesome year. Brian did well in school. He got a new job. We spent some time with his family over the summer. I enjoyed the beach, the sunshine, and the sand. Donnie Wahlberg totally followed me on Twitter. Thanksgiving was a little sad with the loss of my grandfather. But Christmas was a blast.

Then Monday happened.

While shopping for groceries, I sneezed. And the World’s Worst Migraine struck.

I was sick for 2 days. Noise, light, the smell of food–all made me sicker.

Finally, by the time I went to bed Tuesday night, I was feeling better.

Then Wednesday happened.

I woke up in a cold sweat at approximately 2 a.m. Wednesday morning with a pain in my side that can only be compared to being stabbed to death by an evil serial killer. It was so bad, I could barely breathe. Brian got up with me while I paced, and cried, and paced some more. After about 2 hours, the pain began to dull enough for me to head back to bed.

Throughout the rest of the day, my pain fluctuated between “Totally Manageable” and “Somebody Kill Me Now.” By 10 pm Wednesday night, I was convinced I was going to die. When the vomiting started, my husband bundled me up and drove me to the emergency room. Under any other circumstances, I would have been kicking and screaming the whole way. But I was so sick, all I wanted was for the pain to stop. Even if that meant spending several hours in the ER with my ass hanging out of a paper gown.

They wheeled me back for a CT scan, and lo, a 3 mm kidney stone was discovered. The doctor patted my hand sympathetically, promised me morphine, and went on his merry way. When the nurse finally showed up to start my IV meds, I threatened to kiss her on the mouth. And when that first delicious shot of morphine streamed into my veins, I wept with relief.

I’ve spent the last few days doped up on pain meds and Flomax, and drinking Gatorade like a thirsty frat boy. Finally, around 9 pm last night, I passed the stone.

It looked like this:

That’s right. It’s holding a sickle. And a mace on a chain. Because he’s EVIL.

Or at least, it’s what I imagine it would have looked like under a microscope.

Needless to say, I think 2011 is trying to tell me something.

So, I’m looking to 2012 in hopes that things will be better. Most years, I’ll write out a list of resolutions as long as my arm. This year, I’m narrowing my focus to two things.

1) Be nice. To myself and to people around me. Not that I’m not nice now, just that I can always be nicer.


2) Don’t get any more kidney stones. Because they suck. A lot.

Happy New Year!!

4 thoughts on “2011 Tried to Kill Me

  1. Stephanie

    Oh no…awful! I’ve heard that kidney stones are one of the most painful experiences. I’m sorry 2011 ened on such a sucky note. I guess it can only get better from here on in!

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