It’s Been One of Those Weeks

Jury duty, road construction outside my front door, annoying customers who make me want to claw my eyes out…

Yeah. Forget Calgon. Captain Morgan, take me away.

Yes, PLEASE.

When I have weeks like this one, I oftentimes imagine what it would be like to have superpowers. The ability to become invisible would help. Perhaps the gift of flight–I could be in the Keys by noon.

But I still think if I had to choose one superpower over all the others, I’d choose Mario’s fireball ability. And here are my top five reasons why.

Top Five Reasons Why I Wish I Could Shoot Fireballs Like Mario (as in, the Plumber. Not Batali.)
 
Reason #5: I’d always be invited to birthday parties.
Who needs matches when you’ve got fireballs?
 
 
Reason #4: I’d become imperative in the off chance there was ever a major blackout.
My precious. MWAhahaha…ahem. Ooh. Sorry.
 
 
Reason #3: I could melt stuff. Any kind of stuff. Especially the kind of stuff that really annoys me, like my work phone. 
Pew Pew Pew Pew…
 
 
Reason #2: I could use my fireball ability to singe the eyebrows of customers (and Bowsers) who infiltrate my lair and yell at me for no apparent reason.
It’s always the shorts ones you have to watch out for.
 
 
And finally, Reason #1: I could finally live out my life long dream of being Buffy’s sidekick in the next apocalypse.
Take that evil zombie. {insert witty retort via Joss Whedon here}
*  *  *  *  *  *  *
It never matters the context. Whenever I hear or see the word “zombie,” I immediately start singing the song by the Cranberries.
Not that I actually know the lyrics, but I can pretend.
You know: ♪♫ ZOMBEEEY, ZOMBEEEY, ZOMBEEEY EY EY EY EY, OH OH OH OH…♪♫
Sigh.

3 thoughts on “It’s Been One of Those Weeks

  1. thesacredandtheprofane

    ZOMG! Awesome blog. The pic with #4 reminded me of Emma from Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. Which, if you haven’t read you must. In December.

    And if Captain isn’t doing it for you, try Cake vodka. Crack in a glass. I’m not much for the booze, but I can seriously see myself becoming an alcoholic with that one. Yum!

  2. Stephanie

    OK, I’m just trying to picture you setting up the camera and taking shots of yourself making funny faces. You’re hilarious.

    (I’ve spent 3 full minutes trying to come up with a witty retort for your zombie picture. I’ve got nothing. Sorry.)

  3. Jenna

    Zombies aren’t really so good at the witty comebacks; they typically just grunt and growl, and then they eat you. But my all time favorite slayer-in-action quip? “That’ll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!” Which happens to lead directly into my favorite knock-knock joke lead-in, “If we want her to be exactly, she’ll never be exactly, I know, the only real Buffy is really Buffy, and she’s gone, who?”

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