It’s a crystal clear, slightly chilly autumn day. The corn has been harvested, and the children play about in the remaining stalks. A scream issues from deep within the empty corn field. And Farmer Joe is missing.
In a case like this, when foul play happens on the farm, there’s only one thing to do. Call in the big guns.
(Note: This would be the perfect time to cue up “Who Are You?” on your iPod. You know…for ambiance.)
It became clear to the veteran gum shoes right away that the clues to this grisly crime would be found deep within the maze of the waving corn stalks. And so they set off, looking for proof in the produce.
Suspects were few and far between. It wasn’t the farmer’s wife, because she was the one who called the police. And the children were far too small to best the strapping Farmer Joe. It became evident early on in the investigation that one of the farm animals must be to blame for the missing horticulturist. “The question,” Detective Brian muttered, “is which one.”
If she’d learned anything in her years of Farm Scene Investigating, it was to reserve judgement until all the pieces of the puzzle came together. And that usually happened in the last 10 minutes of the episode. “We have to follow the evidence,” CSI Abby said. “And the evidence suggests we should go THIS way, Detective.”
The dynamic duo trudged through the corn, looking for any clues to the whereabouts of the wayward farmer. No hoof prints, stray feathers, or animal droppings were anywhere to be found. (Just lots and lots of corn.) Finally, Detective Brian stumbled upon a check point amidst the towering stalks. “NOW we’re getting somewhere!” the handsome Detective exclaimed.
CSI Abby looked high and low for any evidence that would lead them to the perp. “Is that a fiber caught in the tassels of this corn stalk?” she asked her attractive and somewhat taller counterpart.
As the sun began to set on the crime fighting pair, it seemed that this homicide might go unsolved. The temperature began to drop, and there were still no clues to be found. It was beginning to look like Detective Brian and CSI Abby were lost in a maze of corn.
Detective Brian and CSI Abby turned the corner, and there, in a clearing in the middle of the dense corn field, they found the very scene they’d hoped they would never find.
As Frank the Pig was taken into custody and carted off by the police, the Detective and CSI Abby were left to ponder the untimely death of Farmer Joe.
“You were right all along, Brian,” Abby said. “It’s always the pig.”
Detective Brian sighed, donned his sunglasses, and said dramatically, “Just where is an Angry Bird when you need one?”