Be Enough Me: By Learning To Be Less Of Me (No Wait, Let Me Explain)

By eight o’clock last night, I was absolutely exhausted. I could barely hold my eyes open, my knees and hips were aching, and my back felt like I’d been lifting heavy furniture all day. My head was pounding, my mouth felt dry, and every joint in my body was creaking.

No, I did not run a marathon yesterday.

The truth is, I spent my day watching football, cooking dinner, and playing with the family dogs.

So why was I so tired and in so much pain?

Because, after 8 years of carrying all this excess weight, my body is starting to give out on me. Each pound I pack on is sapping another hour of energy I might otherwise have. I’m 30 years old, but I feel like I’m 50.

I’ll tell you one thing I know for sure. If I want to stand tall and be enough for myself, I need to lose some of myself first. (As in, some of my belly, and some of my thighs, some of my rumpus….)

Moment of truth: THIS is what I’ve been eating lately:

FYI: This is NOT what healthy eating looks like.

Oh, wait. That makes me look like a fat girl with a death wish. I do have *some* healthy foods in my stash. Let me fluff it up just a bit.

The only veggies I had to add: 3 overripe tomatoes and some wilty parsley. Epic.

Moment of clarity: THIS is what I want my daily diet to look like:

I don’t even know what that green thing is in the upper right-hand corner. Cabbage? Kale? Audrey II?

My body is sending me a clear S.O.S. signal, and has been for some time. And now, I’m ready to do something about it.

Not just for a trimmer waistline, smaller jeans, and a cuter figure. Vanity isn’t driving this weight loss bus.

Nope, it’s ALL me.

I’m sitting in the driver’s seat this time. And I’m doing it for my health.

I want to sleep better, feel better, have more energy. I want to be in a better mood, feel better about myself, accomplish something great.

I want to be a better me. I want to stand tall and proud, carrying my accomplishments on my shoulders rather than the shame and guilt of my weight.

I want to learn what that cabbage-y this is in that picture, and learn to love it.

There’s “more than Enough” me to go around. And I’m ready to change that today.

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14 thoughts on “Be Enough Me: By Learning To Be Less Of Me (No Wait, Let Me Explain)

  1. Emily @ My Pajama Days

    I love your honesty! The pink Pepto in the picture cracked me up, too. This is a big step for you and I would be HAPPY to be a part of your support system. I just joined sparkpeople.com and love the free weight loss and fitness tools. If you decide you want to make a Spark account and want some accountability, just email me and I’ll send you my profile link there. So glad to have found you today. Good luck!

  2. Katnip Lounge

    Abby, you are a smart gal, you can DO THIS. Rent “Forks over Knives” from netflix. It will change your life. Scott has dropped 25#, and is off both his cholesterol and diabetes meds, all from eating FOOD. Happy bonus–my arthritis in my thumbs is GONE.
    email me if you want, I have lots of materials to recommend.
    xx Trish

  3. Abby

    Emily: Thanks! The Pepto just *happened* to be sitting on the table as I set up the photo. I swear. :0) I’ve been on spark people before, and just recently refreshed my spark page myself! I don’t have any idea if this will work, but my spark people page can be found at: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=ABBYC613.

    If that doesn’t work, my ID is abbyc613. 🙂

    Trish: I added that movie to my queue and will be watching it tomorrow!!! Thanks for that. Any advice (especially if it really works for you or someone you know!) is ALWAYS welcome!!

  4. Anonymous

    Abby,

    A wonderful commentary. I am in a death struggle with my PhD and have a demanding job. I have packed on a lot of weight as I have been chained to a chair. I am not stupid…I know what I’m doing to myself is bad. How does one do something about it?

    I think you have to take it one day at a time. Try to take a walk. Avoid those sodas. Make better choices about what you eat. Small changes over time are better than quick, radical changes that are not sustainable.

    Good luck to you and those of us in similar situations. Thanks for your thoughts…hang in there!

  5. Abby

    ABSOLUTELY one day at a time!! The difference between you and me–my job is FAR from demanding. In fact, I work from home, which means my butt is on the sofa (or more likely, the computer chair) 99% of the time. I *know* I need to get up and exercise. I *know* Doritoes are not one of the major food groups. Now I just have to put that knowledge into application!! Good luck to you on your journey!!!

  6. angela

    What an honest post! Good luck to you; I think being healthy is an amazing goal.

    I am not sure I have it in me to love anything cabbage-y, but I like other green things 🙂

  7. Heidi

    I’ve been contemplating making a similar post on my own blog. I need to get this weight off for me and so that I can be here to see my kids grow up. I want to be a good example for them so they don’t have to fight their weight like I do.
    You can do it!

  8. Stephanie

    And for the 12 billionth time, I wish you lived up the road from me. I hate working out, so I try to play every day…but playing is so much more fun with a friend than alone! That picture of your food (with the pepto bismal front and centre) cracked me up. Yesterday I ate ringolos and chocolate-covered almonds for lunch. I’m with you on making big changes…and I’m actually really good about eating 80% of the time. It’s the other 20% that I sabotage myself with time and time again.

  9. purposefulpracticesproject

    Thank you for sharing! I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but good for you for deciding what YOU want. About two months ago I made a similar decision to change my diet because it was effecting my energy and my depression. It wasn’t easy, but it has been worth it. I’m cheering for you!

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