Today I Answer An Age-Old Question

Who would you invite to a dinner party? Dead or alive, famous or not, real or fictional—if you could have anyone over to your house for a meal, who would you choose?

I’ve heard so many answers to this question. Some names are synonymous with dinner party: Oprah, Abraham Lincoln, Jesus (especially if he does that water to wine trick), Marilyn Monroe, the President. I’ve heard others answer with their favorite celebrity crush, rock star, movie star, or person they’d most like to sleep with.

My answers might surprise you. But I’ve put a lot of thought into the people I’d invite, and why. Here’s what my ideal dinner party would look like:

Ah, yes. A motley crew. Let me explain my guest list.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
Not only is she funny, clever, quick-witted and adorable, she’s downright mean with a knife. That takes care of the carving station. She’d also be handy to have around in case of a Zombie Attack. (What? Zombies like dinner parties, too.) I’d try desperately not to bore her with frequent comments of “You’re so awesome, Buffy!” and “Can we be best pals?” But I might not be able to stop myself. Not to mention, if she comes to dinner, then the likelihood that Spike will stalk follow her and hide in the bushes outside increases tenfold. Which also increases the likelihood that I’ll get to meet Spike. Score!

Howie Mandel:
I find him to be charming, funny, and a witty conversationalist. I’m sure if we swear not to touch him, and provide him with copious amounts of Purell, he might actually come and have a good time. If we’re really lucky, we might be able to convince him to do some voices from his 80s cartoon, Bobby’s World. Let’s face it, every dinner party needs someone to be the comedian. Howie is my pick.

My best friend and college roommate, Jenna:
First and foremost, I’d invite her because I love her to bits and she’s always fun to have around. But more importantly, if I invited Buffy, and didn’t invite Jenna, it may be the end of our friendship. You see, we both have a major love affair for all-things-Buffy. And I’d hate to lose my best friend by failing to allow her the opportunity to dine with our favorite super hero. (And also, if Buffy comes, the likelihood that Angel might follow her and hide in the bushes outside increases tenfold. Which also increases the likelihood that Jenna would get to meet Angel. Score!)

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore:
He is, hands down, my favorite fictional character of all time. I love everything about Professor Dumbledore–from his penchant for profound words of wisdom to his reverence for all things childish–and the idea of getting to sit beside him over a plate of fried chicken and pick his brain about all things magical sends tingles down my spine. It’s the closest thing this Muggle could get to real magic, and I’d be 100% on board. Plus, if the zombies get out of hand and Buffy gets swamped, Dumbledore could help out with a few Bat Bogey Hexes. And as an extra bonus, I bet if we asked him real nice like, he’d bring us some goodies from the Harry Potter world—Bertie Bott’s  Every Flavored Beans for dessert, anyone?

And finally, Paula Deen:
She’s sweet, she’s silly, she’s a wiz in the kitchen, and everyone loves her. Plus, I wouldn’t have to cook. But if I insisted on being in the kitchen, she’d be right there beside me, whipping up some of her famous hoe cakes and talking my ear off about her southern roots and sharing with me the secrets of truly fluffy buttermilk biscuits. I can’t imagine a more wonderful way to spend an afternoon in the kitchen.

Unless maybe my Dad was there.

Shoot, now I have to invite my Dad…I’m gonna need a bigger table.