Explanation of my Absence

On Wednesday, I had the following conversation with my husband, the nursing student.

A: I think I’m dying.
B: No, you’re not. I’m pretty sure you just have the flu.
A: The Dirty Black Monkey Flu of Death!
B: No, just the flu.
A: HACK! COUGH! SNORT! WHIIIIINE!
As it turns out, he was right. I didn’t have The Dirty Black Monkey Flu of Death. I just had the plain old flu. But boy, that plain old flu kicked my rumpus, and HARD.
However, after 72 hours of sleep, Sudafed, hot toddy’s, more Sudafed, and lots and lots of sleep, I’ve turned a corner. And for your reading pleasure, I’ve compiled this list for you so, in the future, you will know why my brilliant and witty blog posts have suddenly stopped (because of the monkey flu, not because I’ve fallen off the face of the earth.)
Top Five Ways To Alert You That Abby Is Sick:
 
5. The last few blog posts written just before my disappearance are a little off, filled with fuzzy cell phone pictures, or make no reference to Photoshop, my OCD, a silly conversation with my husband, or anything else that could be construed as funny.
4. I miss out on all the obvious (and not so obvious) jokes regarding The Rapture. (Seriously? I could’ve done SO MUCH with this.)
3. You receive an invitation to my pity party, and it looks like this:
2. All Twitter activity from @ThatGabbyAbby stops unexpectedly. Only 2 things can keep me from my daily Twitterstalking of Donnie Wahlberg: the monkey flu and death.
1. You hear a shrill, distant whine somewhere in the distance. Like an air-raid siren, only more pathetic.
Because I turn into a massive whiny baby when I’m sick. Don’t you?
You’re welcome.
I’m looking forward to a week’s worth of posts that will make up for my absence. Please accept my humble apologies. To be fair, nothing I could’ve written would’ve made much sense anyway. Huh…on second thought, maybe blogging while high on cough medicine WOULD have been a good idea…