Comparisons

A Day In the Life of Me (Abby)


7:45 am: Alarm goes off. Bladder is uncomfortably full. Smack the snooze button, convince my bladder it can wait 30 more minutes, go back to sleep.

7:55 am: Alarm goes off again. Bladder now fit to bursting. Waddle to the bathroom, empty my bladder, return to bed.

7:56 am: Feel someone staring at me. Open my eye a crack and see this:

Dizzy thinks sleeping is a team sport.

7:56 and a half am: Realize, in this moment, that my plan to sleep till 8:30 is never going to happen. Sigh, scratch Dizzy’s head, get back out of bed.

8:00 am: Turn on shower, lean head against wall, and sleep standing up for five full minutes.

8:05 am – 8:45 am: Shower, dress, accessorize. Add some eyeliner and mascara and I’m ready for the day.

8:46 am: Look at the clock, realize the day has barely started and I already miss my husband.

8: 47 am: Pine for my husband.

8:59 am: Trudge to the office, sigh, open the door, change the sign from CLOSED to OPEN, turn on my phone, and prepare for the drudgery to begin.

9:00 am to 9:45 am: Process letters, return phone calls, answer emails, and other sundry boring office duties.

9:46 am: Throw a shoe at the cats, who have been meowing incessantly since 8:03 am for their breakfast. Finally break down and just feed them so they’ll shut up, even though I’m *supposed* to feed them at 10.

10:00 am to 11:00 am: Various household chores, which is boring, so I’ll make something up to entertain you: this is when I bathe and brush my unicorn. He thanks me with glitter and rainbows.

11:01 am: It’s AbbyGabs time! Yay!

11:02 am – whenever I’m done: Look for pictures, play around with Photoshop, Twitter-stalk Donnie Wahlberg, get distracted by Facebook and Youtube, finally come up with a blog topic and bang it out in thirty minutes or less.  Also, intermittently answer the phone, provide the same 4 answers to the same 4 questions I get asked everyday, process a few payments, and wish I had a PhD in something, or else a nice quiet farm where I could write without being disturbed.

Approximately 2:00 pm: Proudly publish my blog, and think “Wow, Brian is really gonna laugh at this one.” Look at the clock, realize it’s only 2:00, and that I still miss my husband.

2:01 pm: Pine for my husband.

2:02 pm – 4:36 pm: Find ways to make the day go by faster, while also continuing to answer the phone and answer the same 4 questions again and again. Watch TV, think about Donnie Wahlberg, check my Netflix account to see when my next Gilmore Girls DVD is going to be delivered, check my watch a thousand times, and finally settle down with a book.

4:37 pm: Phone rings and I know immediately it’s my afternoon “Boss Phonecall.” I answer HIS four questions that he asks me every day at 4:37 pm. Then I listen to him ramble about Chick-Fil-A coupons/the price of batteries at Walgreens/the method by which he changed his oil/something about his mother-in-law’s feet (I tuned this one out)/the auction he won on eBay, where he saved approximately 4 cents from retail price on shoe strings.

4:57 pm: Hang up the phone, pretend to shoot myself in the head with my hand, which isn’t a gun but we’re pretending. Look at the clock and dance a jig. It’s almost 5:00!!

4:58 pm: Dance another jig because it’s closer to 5:00!

4:59 pm: Hand is now poised on the door knob, ready to snatch the door open to flip the sign.

5:00 pm: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Unicorn and I dance happily as we flip the sign, lock the door, turn off the phone, and close up for the day.

5:01 pm: Pine for my husband, again, who would be rejoicing right along with me and Unicorn.

5:02 pm – 5:30 pm: Quickly process end-of-day paperwork, feed the cats, change into my jammies and find my favorite spot on the couch.

5:31 pm – 7:30 pm: If Netflix is on my side, Gilmore Girls marathon. If not, reruns of Cops/make jewelry/crochet/read/enjoy the fact that I’m NOT working.

7:31 pm: Flip it over to Jeopardy, pine for my husband who loves Jeopardy. Then I remember I’m having tuna casserole for dinner, and I dance a little jig because I LOVE fish, and hubby HATES it.

8:00 pm – 10:30 pm: Dinner (Tuna Casserole, yay!), more Gilmore Girls (or other methods of time-wasting), 800 texts to my husband telling him how much I miss him.

10:31 pm: Power down household (ie: turn off all electronic devices, plug in cell phone and laptop, and head to bed.)

10:35 pm: Bedtime routine consists of brushing teeth, washing face, laying out clean jammies for the hubby (who will stumble home sometime after midnight, smelling like gin–because he’s a bartender, not an alcoholic–and money. Hopefully. If it was a good night.)

10:45 – 11:30 pm. Ish. : Read. Every night. Without fail. It’s why I have a hundred and seventeen thousand books.

11:31 pm: Set my alarm for 7:45 am, knowing I’ll hit the snooze button, turn out the light, and snuggle in for a good night’s sleep.

11:35 pm: Feel someone staring at me. I open my eye a crack and see this:

“Mom, is it bedtime?”

11:36 pm: Snuggle up with a purring kitty by my side and drift off into dreamland.

A Day in the Life of Dizzy:


7:55 am: Wake up. Realize I’m hungry. Find Mom.

7:56 am: Stare at Mom.

8:00 am – 9:45 am: Prowl kitchen, jump on Mom’s paperwork, scratch at carpet, and other various things that annoy Mom until she feeds us. Also, meowing a lot works, too.

9:46 am: Duck shoe.

9:47 – 10:00 am: Eat my well-deserved, much-worked-for breakfast.

10:01 am – 12:00 pm: Morning nap.

12:01 pm – 2:00 pm: Early afternoon nap.

2:01 pm – 4:00 pm: Mid-afternoon nap.

4:01 pm – 4:36 pm: Trip to litter box and water bowl. Chase Scooter out of the bathroom. Snuggle with Harry. Bathtime.

4:37 pm: Sit on desk and stare at Mom while she holds the phone to her ear and rolls her eyes a lot.

4:57 pm – 5:01 pm: Dodge Mom’s dancing feet. Start meowing for dinner.

5:26 pm – 5:49 pm:  Happily eat my dinner while Mom races around the house trying to finish all her stuff so she can relax.

6:00 pm – 7:59 pm: Early evening nap.


8:00 pm: MOM’S HAVING TUNA! SPAZZ OUT!!!!


8:15  pm – 9:00 pm: Late evening nap.

9:01 pm – 10:35 pm: Pre-bedtime nap.

10:36 pm – 10:44 pm: Sit on bed and stare at door, waiting on Mom.

10:45 pm – 11:30 pm: Attempt everything possible to make Mom put down book and scratch my head, including pushing book with my head, nudging head underneath book to look adoringly at Mom, lying in front of book on Mom’s chest, and batting bookmark with paw.

11:35 pm:  Stare at Mom until she puts her arm around me and we fall asleep, snuggling.

6 thoughts on “Comparisons

  1. Eleanor

    Ok, I think I’d choose the cat’s day if I had the option…But then, cats don’t read or play on the computer or watch entertaining rubbish on YouTube…hmmmm. So actually, I think I’ll stick with being a human.

  2. Brian

    I love this!! I especially like the close up picture of Dizzy, because I have personally experienced this eye-opening experience.

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