First, let me thank you for your ingenious method by which you’ve chosen to entertain us. You’ve made movie night into an American institution again, without the hassle of driving to a store, not to mention saving us from the astronomical price of movie theater popcorn. Watching movies in my underwear has never been so easy. Thank you.
However, I find there’s a glitch in the system. You see, until recently, I was beyond thrilled with my Netflix service. How clever that, when I went out to retrieve my mail, there was a happy red envelope there to greet me. Fun!
Then you decided to throw a curve ball by allowing us to stream movies directly to our computers and/or televisions. NEAT-O! I was beyond excited. Now, I didn’t even have to walk to my MAILBOX to get my movie, I could stay seated on my couch (in my underwear) and watch without having to move a muscle.
While I LOVE your streaming service, I have to admit that I find it lacking in one area. I’m disappointed that I can’t stream anything I like. Yes, you do have an extensive collection of movies and television shows that I can stream. However, it seems the ones I want to watch are only available on DVD.
You see, I’ve recently become addicted to The Gilmore Girls. And while I’m paying to receive 3 DVDs at a time from your business, it seems that it takes forever for them to get here.
Granted, it only takes 2 days. Which isn’t long at all.
Unless you’re frantically curious to find out what’s going on between Luke and Lorelei.
And so, my comfy position on my couch has been compromised, and I’m now having to get dressed every single day so I can walk out to my mailbox eleventy-hundred times in order to stalk my mail carrier.
I can’t help it! I’m desperate for more of their quick-like-a-bunny chatter, obscure 80s music references, and adorable togetherness. And can you blame me?
So please, Netflix, from one lazy couch potato to another, won’t you please let me stream everything in your collection? It would make our symbiotic relationship that much more satisfying.
Portions of this letter can be interchangeable to fit your own needs.
For example, feel free to substitute “in my underwear” with other phrases, like “with my family,” and “in my submarine” or even “from my secret underground lair (no I’m not Batman).“
Similarly, you may choose to remove “get dressed every single day,” and replace that phrase with one like “cry myself to sleep, only to wake up and find that it’s another day without my movie, and my glasses are all fogged up from all the crying so I have to ask for a seeing-eye dog…”
Lastly, I am aware that not everyone is a fan of the Gilmore Girls (although I don’t understand it, not even for a minute.) So, feel free to substitute with the following:
The Gilmore Girls for The Simpsons, Hairspray, Bosom Buddies
If you chose The Simpsons, the following substitutions will work:
what’s going on between Luke and Lorelei: if Homer will ever successfully strangle Bart
of their quick-like-a-bunny chatter: silly song montages
obscure 80s music references: hilarious guest-star appearances
adorable togetherness: not-so-adorable togetherness, at least until the end of every episode.