It’s because I’m so expressive.
If you come around the corner and see me making this face:
…one of four things is about to happen.
1. I’m about to prank you. IE: pie in the face, plastic wrap on the toilet seat, evil clowns jumping out from behind the closet door….
2. I’m about to lie to you. IE: Yes, honey, I was listening to that enthralling story about the new wine rep, not totally ignoring you while whipping our cat into a frenzy with the always-humorous shoe string game.
3. I’m about to lay down a Straight Flush on top of your not-so-royal cards. Seriously. I do NOT have a poker face. So if I’m making THAT face, and/or I’m giggling, you should fold. Immediately.
4. Ten of your closest friends are about to jump out with balloons, a cake, and a barbershop quartet to serenade you on your birthday. SURPRISE!!!
Don’t believe me? Let me tell you about my husband’s surprise birthday party last year.
First, let me say that the entire event had been planned to occur somewhere other than my house. It wasn’t until a week before said event that I realized that it was Super Bowl Sunday, and, for some reason unbeknownst to me, the restaurant is closed on Super Bowl Sunday. So, I had to scramble to rearrange our plans, and to bring the party to us.
So. The day of the party, I’m a house-cleaning, food-cooking mad woman. The hubby thinks my parents are coming over for the game, and he keeps asking questions that I’m sure are going to eventually lead him to discovering the truth of our plans for the evening.
B: Why are you making such a huge pot of chili?
A: Because Mom and Dad are coming over.
B: Yeah, but that’s enough chili to feed an army. That’s not a pot of chili, that’s a VAT of chili.
A: Yes, it is a vat….because I want there to be leftovers for tomorrow….and the next day.
B: Oh. Ok.
Ten minutes later…
B: Why are you putting out a veggie plate?
A: Because Dad likes veggies.
B: Yeah, but there’s that huge vat of chili, and the cheese ball, and the chips and salsa. Now you’re putting out veggies, too?
A: Yes, because Dad said he was really hungry. Plus, any leftovers and I can make vegetable beef stew later this week.
B: Oh. Ok.
Five minutes later….
B: Why are you wearing shoes?
B: Why are you wearing shoes? Are we going somewhere? You’re dressed and I’m still in my pajamas. I thought we were watching the game here tonight.
A: We are.
B: So why do you have on shoes?
A: (Pause and try not to kill the birthday boy) Because I’m getting ready to take the trash out.
B: Oh. Ok.
FINALLY I hear a car door close outside. Knowing it’s our party guests, I immediately jump from my seat and run for the kitchen.
A: Gotta stir the chili!
B: (From his perch in his already-football-prone position.) Wait? Aren’t you going to get the door?
A: Nope. Gotta stir the chili! Be right there!!!
See, at this part of the evening, he had to know something was up. Because you see, the whole plan hinged on HIM answering the door, since his surprise birthday party parade was springing the surprise from our doorway.
I hear him mutter under his breath, heave himself from the sofa, and answer the door.
Our guests: SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!
B: So, that’s why she went to stir the chili.
Yes, he was surprised, and yes, it was a great party.
|And yes, it was Transformer-themed.|
Did I pull it off? Sure. Would I have pulled it off if he hadn’t been getting over a cold, and was still doped up on Nyquil?
Definitely not. Because then, he would’ve seen The Face.