My (Eventual) Claim to Fame

I love Captcha.

Not the act of typing in of the nonsense word, or puzzling over a letter only to decide that it’s not an L or an I, it’s actually a Q. That part actually bugs me a bit.

But sometimes, the nonsense word makes me laugh out loud.

I’ve started trying to work some of these nonsense words into my vocabulary, and that’s when it dawned on me.

My “it just dawned on me” face.

“Abby!” I said to myself. “You should write a Captcha Dictionary!”

I’ll make millions, I tell you.

And so, here are the first few entries planned for my dictionary that will one day grace the same shelves with the great Webster, and the still-good-but-not-as-great Macmillan.

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anspox: (ans-pocks) noun. 1) an infectious disease prominent in the southern hemisphere in which the patient develops a rash of ampersands. The cause is usually writer’s block; the treatment involves copious amounts of alcohol in the form of margaritas. 2) Referring to the pox associated with anspox disease.

“Woah, check our her face. It’s covered in anspox!”

Needed: Three extra large margaritas, STAT!
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dedeler: (dee-deh-luhr) noun, or adjective. 1) Referring to the person who sings the ditty for The Hamster Dance. 2) Describing a person who is humming, singing, or whistling an annoying tune.

“If that dedeler doesn’t stop singing that Justin Bieber song, I’m gonna smack him!”

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exwashe: (ehx-wahsh) noun. 1) A business or location that assists customers in purging items from past lovers. 2) The action of burning clothes, pictures, cds, and the Lord of the Rings figurines of an ex-boyfriend.

“It really is time to fascillitate an exwashe. His crap has been in my apartment long enough.”

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facklit: (fahk-leet) noun. 1) A reference to something factual, i.e. factual literature. 2) a pop culture portmanteau, creating a word from two different words.

Charlie Sheen is bat-shit crazy. That’s not rumor, that’s facklit.”

Seriously. Cuz, ya know, he’s “winning.”
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spide: (spuh-day) noun. 1) A French term coined by psychiatrist Pierre Montclaire, in reference to curing people of arachnophobia.  It comes from a popular exercise in which the patient imagines a spider in compromising positions. Spiders in this exercise are referred to as”spide,” because Montclaire believes dropping the hard “R” sound at the end of the word makes patients less jumpy.

The spide is tap-dancing. Now the spide is hang-gliding. Now the spide is doing “jazz hands.” Now imagine the spide wearing a red spandex jumpsuit and leaping from skyscraper to skyscraper. Feeling better yet?”

Five, six, seven, eight….JAZZ HANDS!
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Awesome. I’m going to be famous. Now, try to go about your day without singing The Hamster Dance song (which would make you the dedeler.)