My Skin Care Routine

Since I have Danny DeVito hands, I make a huge effort to maintain other parts of my body, since my fingernails are always destined to be short. One thing I’m 100% diligent about is my skin. I have a very specific routine that I do, twice a day, to keep my skin reminiscent of Snow White’s.

Every woman  has her beauty secrets, but because my skin care regimen works so well, it seems only fair that I outline it for you here, so that you, too, can have the flawless complexion of a Disney Princess.

And so, here are the five easy steps I use to keep my skin clean, soft, and youthful.

Step One: Start with warm water (not hot, not cold,) and gently cleanse your face with a creamy face wash. Move your fingers in a circular motion, paying special attention to your forehead, beside your nose, and your chin. Then wash away soap with, again, warm water.

All the items I use are for sensitive skin. Because every princess is sensitive.

Step Two: Don’t reach for the towel just yet. Now is the time for the magical butterflies. Allow them to beat their wings gently, slowly drying your skin to sparkling perfection. This process takes 10 to 15 minutes (unless you’ve got the money to spend on a couple of Queen Alexandra’s Birdwings…those suckers are huge. And it’s more like standing behind a 747 preparing for takeoff, so they don’t have quite the same effect as normal-sized butterflies.)

The more colorful they are, the more like Aurora you will feel.

Step Three:  For any residual water, feel free to delicately blot your face with your towel at this point. You should also release the song birds. Make sure you’ve trained them to sweetly tweet an appropriate song for this moment of your routine, such as “The Hills Are Alive,” “I Feel Pretty,” or for me, my favorite song from Just Dance 2, “Big Girl (You Are Beautiful.)”

They sing it in rounds. With harmony. Pretty awesome.

Step Four: Now that your face is all dry, you’re ready for the next step. You can never achieve a true princess complexion without the help of my secret weapon. Hold your breath, ladies—this is bigger than any wrinkle cream on the market. Ready? It’s Fairy Dust.

Shrinks wrinkles, reduces puffiness, and adds a soft glow.

Step Five: Once the butterflies have fluttered away, the birds are back in their cages, and the fairies have disappeared to another dimension, you’re ready for the final step. This one’s easy. Find yourself a daily moisturizer with a sunscreen in it (SPF 15 or higher), and apply it to your fresh-as-a-daisy face.

Always remember–the sun is bad. Being a recluse is also good for the skin.

So there you have it. Abby’s Five Step Guide to Disney Princess Skin. Don’t laugh, it really works. Now, I’m off to feed my song birds and start training them to sing “I Like Big Butts,” just because it’ll be funny.

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