There’s nothing more satisfying than checking things off of a list. Grocery list, to-do list, bucket list—when I can strike a line through an item on said list with a black permanent marker, I have an actual physical reaction.
Satisfaction. It’s why I make lists. I currently have a list of 30 things I want to accomplish before I’m 30—I’ve checked off 8 things so far, and I’m working on the 9th and 10th thing now. But I’ll get to that list in a later post.
Today’s post is all about meeting my family. “But Abby, what does that have to do with lists?” you may ask. Simply this: I’m going to introduce you to my family using lists. It’s concise, it’s interesting, it’s a quicker read, and I don’t have to worry about coming up with clever segways. Those can be tricky. So…without further ado, meet my clan.
1. The other day, when I found my first grey hair, Brian looked at me and said, “Honey, you DON’T have grey hair. It’s just your imagination, and you are beautiful.” This proves that Brian is generous, caring, conscious of other people’s feelings, and a terrible liar.
2. He sings to me. Not that he’s American Idol material, because he’s not, but there’s something adorable about a man serenading you with Rod Stewart’s “Have I Told You Lately,” when it’s slightly off key.
3. He dreams one day of having a man-cave worthy of his quickly-growing collection of Transformers. He wants a shelf that runs the entire circumference of the room–I think built-ins would be better suited.
Dizzy–The First Born
1. Dizzy has an aversion to books (particularly when they’re interrupting snuggle time with Mom), his brothers (particularly Scooter), and thunderstorms.
2. He was an only-cat for almost a year before we adopted Harry. In that time span we managed to create a spoiled, attention-starved, self-important child. (Wait, did I just describe all felines?)
3. Dizzy doesn’t do so well with crowds, especially if he feels trapped in a corner somewhere. Coo at him for 30 seconds, though, and all is right with the world.
1. Harry is the alpha-male of the house. He doesn’t have to try very hard to be the boss–he just tosses his weight around and they all fall in line.
2. Despite being the boss, he’s also the most affectionate, with people AND his brothers. He gives great kitty kisses (in the form of sometimes violent head butts), and loves taking naps with his daddy.
3. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT bring roast beef into this house unless you want to be mauled by psycho-kitty. He LOVES roast beef—it is his drug of choice.
1. If you ever decide to come visit our humble abode, don’t worry about bringing a travel alarm clock. You won’t need one. Pip will wake you promptly at 8:30, begging for his breakfast. Ever seen the cartoon, Simon’s Cat? He stole that idea from Pip. (Not really, but they’re almost identical. Except Pip doesn’t know how to wield a baseball bat.)
2. Pip LOVES my mother. He’s happy to have anyone scratch his head, but when Grammy comes over, Pip struts over, meows loudly, and flops over on his back like a sunbather on South Beach. In that position he will stay until my mother collects her things and leaves the property.
3. If you ever retrieve the can-opener from the top drawer, expect to be attacked. It doesn’t matter if you’re opening a can of beans, he’ll think it’s tuna fish and demand that you share.
Scooter–Blog Author Extraordinaire
1. You read that correctly. Scooter has his own blog–The FatKat Kronicles. (Inevitably, you’ll race right over there to read said blog. Be forewarned…Scooter has been busy perfecting his Wiggle-and-Pounce, so there hasn’t been much blogging lately. We’re hoping he’ll be more dedicated to blogging again, as soon as he finally takes down Harry in a wrestling match.)
2. Scooter’s floof is the most amazing floof of all the floofs in the world. This isn’t a preening mother’s opinion, this is a FACT.
3. Scooter chases ice cubes. Know how I said to avoid roast beef and the can opener? Well…if you ever open the freezer door, you’ll instantly have an orange tabby at your feet, looking up expectantly for you to toss an ice cube on the floor. WARNING: You won’t be able to say no to his adorable face. (Also, it should be said that walking around our kitchen in socked-feet is a BAD idea. They’ll get wet every time.)
So there you have it, blogosphere. My family, in lists. *Abby takes a bow.*